The Wizard of DC

June 11, 2017

Yellow Brick Road

 

A spontaneous cyclone whipped up 16-year-old Dorothy from the ramshackle Kansas farmhouse she had been residing in. She awoke in the shadow of a pretentious sign. The letters, declaring ‘PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE.’ A bricked, yellowish road stretched from Dorothy to the horizon. It shimmered a golden hue when the sunlight caught it at just the right angle. On the far tip of the road, a building blossomed into the sky, dominating its surroundings. The structure, conspicuous for its strict whiteness, was the type that had only been seen in fairy tale books by Dorothy.

 
As Dorothy tiptoed down the road, she observed a tableau silhouette. When she drew nearer, the amorphous edges traced out a scarecrow-esque figure. Dorothy noticed the features she looked at becoming more descript. Straw-coloured hair that matched the road’s tone. Skin peppered with wrinkles, mirroring the road’s emerging cracks. As the lady turned to face Dorothy, a battalion of nearby pigeons scurried.

 
At arm’s length away, Dorothy noted a badge: ‘Secretary of Education.’ “Why aren’t you at school now missy?” The lady questioned. “They shut my school down because it’s public” Dorothy riposted. The person in charge of education had one glaring weakness- they didn’t have the brain to care about education. As the woman left abruptly, Dorothy continued on her path.

 
Dorothy next met a man who moved awkwardly. The stilted movement of his limbs was almost robotic. It was akin to a dancer within a nightclub whose body appears machinelike due to the flickering lights. As Dorothy encroached into his space, he poured the remnants of his flask down a nearby drain, then wiped the sweat off his shiny forehead. The liquor flowed with the viscosity of oil and had a tar-like colour.

 
This man introduced himself as the head of the Environmental Protection Agency. As Dorothy reciprocated and introduced herself, the man interjected, “That’s an interesting accent you’ve got there. You’re not from overseas are you?” His entire demeanour changed. “No, I’m from Kansas,” Dorothy reassured him. “How did you get here?” he queried. “A cyclone lifted me up and brought me here. There are a lot of them nowadays.” “Climate change isn’t real,” the man retorted before mechanically moving his lever-like legs away. The man in charge of maintaining the environment had the significant inadequacy of not having a heart to care about the environment.

 
On the steps of the obnoxious, sheet-white building, Dorothy drew towards a man wearing a worn military hat. At the precise angle that Dorothy approached, the outskirts of the hat seemed to frame his face from behind. The hat’s frayed edges created the illusion of a mane. He proudly wore a badge: ‘Secretary of Defense.’

 
The man roared, “What are you doing here alone? I might shoot you. It’s fun to shoot some people.” Dorothy cautiously stepped backwards akin to a ringmaster tentatively surveying an unpredictable circus animal. She replied, “My parents are both soldiers. My Dad is fighting in the war against Canada and my Mum is fighting in the California war.” The man trotted off with his tail between his legs. The person whose primary job concerned maintaining peace didn’t have the courage to create a peaceful world.

 
Dorothy entered the exaggerated ivory coloured building. Within the labyrinth of corridors she followed a chosen one like a mouse in an experiment. The cheese at the end of the tunnel was an overbearing door. She heaved it open and entered an office with an oval-shaped floorplan.

 
An intimidating man overlooked her. His blotchy, pumpkin orange skin mimicked his comb over hair colour. A ruby shaded tie hung from his neck like a noose ready to be tightened. Above his desk, a photograph of Mount Rushmore. The George Washington face on the granite cliffs had been chiselled away and sculpted into a likeness of this very man.

 
“What do you want?” The man’s voice boomed as it lingered around the room for several seconds. “I’m worried about climate change, education and creating a peaceful world. Not just on my behalf but for the tens of millions of American children.”

 
“FAKE NEWS!” The imposing figure thundered. A solitary tear trickled down Dorothy’s face, preceding a flurry of drops. The man squinted then pointed, “See the millions of people lining that street right now? They all support me bigly.” Dorothy glanced out the window. All she saw was three silhouettes on the empty street. Their outlines resembling a scarecrow, a tin man and a lion.

 
Beside Dorothy, a scrapbook lay open. Newspaper clippings had been sloppily stuck in. One headline read “President Wins Unprecedented Third Term in Office.” The article began, “The President won the 2024 election with a record 100% of the vote.” Dorothy paused. She could have sworn that both her parents didn’t vote for this man. She continued reading. “A record one billion votes were cast for the president. Even the opposition candidate voted for him.” At the 2020 election, Dorothy had heard rumours that the opposing candidate had been poisoned by two spies for not voting correctly. Her eyes skimmed the page, searching for an author- a Mr. Spicer who belonged to the ubiquitous media organisation, The White House Times.

 
“As a leader you shouldn’t use power for your own interests. You should be working for the benefit of the masses. You are doing this poorly” Dorothy proclaimed. “Or-well” the man responded in such a way that Dorothy was uncertain if his answer consisted of one word or two.

 
The man who had originally overlooked Dorothy now began to look her over. His eyes changing from ruthless to deviant. Attempting to grab Dorothy, he inadvertently brushed one of her tears. In a flash, the man vanished.

 
A perplexed Dorothy examined the room. On the empty bookshelf she detected a hologram projector. It had short-circuited from the liquid on her face. Lurking in the shadows of the unnecessarily oversized desk, she noticed a bald head. It poked just above the desk level like the sun prowling above the clouds. The man stood but didn’t grow in height proportionally like you would expect someone standing up to. His impish, troll-like facial features were emblematic of his presence. Beneath the conglomerate surface was a solitary human pulling the strings.

 
From his mouth spewed a thick Russian accent.

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Part 2- Amazing Facts About Adelaide and South Australia

June 5, 2017

I originally wrote an article titled ‘The Most Amazing Facts About Adelaide and South Australia’ and this can be found here. This is a part two write-up, covering more interesting facts about Adelaide and South Australia. Analogous to someone who has sprinted the first 100 metres of the City-Bay Fun Run only to run out of energy for the remaining 11.9 kilometres, I may have used some of the more relatively fascinating facts up in my previous article. Nonetheless, I present part two, containing a historical flavour.

 

The Big Lobster

The Big Lobster, located in Kingston.

Big Things

The first ‘big thing’ in Australia was the Big Scotsman aka Scotty, located at the front of the Comfort Inn Scotty’s, in Medindie. This was built in 1963 by designer Paul Kelly. Kelly would later go on to create the Big Lobster (also known as Larry the Lobster) located in Kingston. Originally, the Big Lobster was meant to be much smaller and perched upon a building. Kelly was given the dimensions of the lobster in feet and inches however misinterpreted these measurements as metres thus making the Big Lobster much larger than planned. South Australia has an impressive array of other ‘big things’ with a list being found here.

 

The Big Scotsman

Scotty, the first ‘big thing’ in Australia.

 

Legal Rights

Parliament House

Old Parliament House on the left next to a half finished new Parliament House. Photo courtesy of State Library of South Australia.

 

South Australia became the second place in the world to give women the right to vote when in 1894 it became legal (it became legal in New Zealand the previous year). The South Australian legislation was the first in the world to allow women to stand for parliament. Mary Lee organised a petition for the suffragette movement that gained 11,600 signatures and can be viewed in Adelaide’s Parliament House today. The petition, when glued together was 122 metres in length. An opponent of the bill, Ebenezer Ward, wanted to thwart the women’s right to vote law from being passed. In order to do this, he placed an addition to the bill stating women should be allowed to stand for parliament. Ward had hoped that this added part of the bill would be voted against by the male politicians hence the women’s right to vote part of the bill would also fail. Unexpectedly, the law passed and by trying to prevent women from voting, Ward had incidentally also allowed women to stand for parliament in South Australia, in a world first.

 

Mary Lee bust

The bust of Mary Lee, located on North Terrace.

 

In 1976, South Australia became the first English speaking location in the world to make rape that occurs between a married couple a criminal offence. As a result of this South Australian reform, other Australian states adopted similar laws to South Australia.

 

Homosexuality became legalised in South Australia after police drowned a homosexual man in the River Torrens. A second homosexual man who was also thrown in the River Torrens by police was rescued by a suspected serial killer. To put some details into this narrative, Dr. George Duncan was a Law lecturer at the University of Adelaide and in 1972 when this event occurred, homosexuality was illegal in South Australia. At a popular meeting place for homosexuals, alongside the Adelaide University footbridge, Dr. George Duncan and Roger James were thrown into the river by what were suspected to be police officers. Duncan drowned and James, suffering a broken ankle, managed to crawl to the roadside. Alleged serial killer, Bevan Von Einem, happened to be driving past and rescued James, taking him to the Royal Adelaide Hospital. In 1983, Von Einem would murder Richard Kelvin, son of channel 9 newsreader, Rob Kelvin. The public outcry that resulted from Duncan’s murder would lead to law changes in South Australia making it the first Australian state to legalise homosexuality.

 

George Duncan

The memorial to Dr. George Duncan, located at the Adelaide University footbridge.

Colonel William Light

Surveyor and designer of Adelaide, Colonel William Light, has a dedicated statue perched upon Montefiore Hill. Colonel William Light points from his elevated position down to the city of Adelaide. The only problem is that he doesn’t. The statue of Colonel William Light has an altitude of 40 metres above sea level. Rundle Mall has an altitude of 45 metres. Counter-intuitively, Rundle Mall is higher than the base of Colonel William Light. The highest part of the Adelaide, North Adelaide and parklands region actually lies in the South-Eastern corner of Victoria Park Racecourse. This point, near the Greenhill Rd-Fullarton Rd junction, has an elevation of 58 metres, making it 18 metres above the Colonel William Light statue.

 

Colonel Light

The statue of Colonel William Light, pointing towards Adelaide prior to the most recent Adelaide Oval development.

 

When Colonel William Light passed away in 1839, he was provided with the first ever funeral procession in South Australia. He is buried under Light Square and is the only person to be legally buried within the “square mile” of Adelaide since settlement. Originally, the statue of Colonel William Light didn’t point towards Adelaide from afar at all because it was already within Adelaide. The statue of Colonel William Light was initially placed in the northern part of Victoria Square and a giant crowd watched its unveiling in 1906. Somewhat ironically, the statue’s location was the subject of a planning dispute as it caused disruption to the busy intersection. In 1938, it was moved to its current location, Montefiore Hill.

 

Colonel LIght unveiling Victoria Square

The 1906 unveiling of the Colonel William Light statue in Victoria Square.

 

Inventions

Hills Hoist

The iconic Hills Hoist.

 

The Hills Hoist is synonymous with Adelaide inventions, yet there exist a glut of other innovations that have South Australian origins. It should be noted that it is often contentious who invented something first with several people claiming the same invention.

 

Chicken Salt

Adelaide company, Mitani, claims to have invented chicken salt in 1979. It was originally designed for use on rotisserie chickens hence the name chicken salt. Mitani creates 70 tonnes of chicken salt per year yet chicken salt is hardly known outside of Australia. The Mitani brand of chicken salt has a secret recipe and despite its name is suitable for vegans.

Chicken salt

Mitani chicken salt.

 

Cask Wine

Known as ‘cask wine’, ‘box wine’, ‘a goon bag’ and numerous other colloquialisms, this product was invented by winemaker, Thomas Angove from Renmark. Angove’s inspiration for the cask wine invention supposedly came from coming across a picture of a Greek shepherd who was drinking liquid from a goatskin.

cask wine

Cask wine

 

The Military Tank

Adelaide born Lancelot de Mole sent drawings of a tank-like vehicle to the British War Office in 1912 alongside the name “Tank MKI.” His inspiration for the invention arose when he travelled across “terrible” terrain in Western Australia. De Mole was originally not recognised for his invention and only after lobbying from the South Australian government was he was acknowledged and awarded £987.

De Mole's scale model of a tank

De Mole’s scale model of a tank.

 

Sunscreen

Milton Blake was the first person to be credited with protecting the skin from sunlight in a creation resembling sunscreen. It is particularly apt that an Adelaide chemist developed a UV blocker, considering the climate he resided in. In 1932, the first 500 tubes were made from his southern suburbs, Hawthorn home. Blake’s sunscreen lineage led to the creation of Hamilton Laboratories which now makes 500 tonnes of sunscreen per year.

Hamilton sunscreen

Hamilton sunscreen.

 

Disposable Syringe

During 1949 in Adelaide, Charles Rothauser developed the world’s first disposable syringe. The ability to mass produce plastic syringes has benefited countless people as well as solving the problem of Penicillin clogging glass syringes. Rothauser is also renowned for creating Caroma, the bathroom accessories company. The company Caroma is also known for pioneering the first dual flush toilet.

Syringe

Disposable syringes.

 

The Beatles

Beatles in Adelaide

The Beatles travel past Parliament House.

 

When it was announced that the Beatles were touring Australia, Adelaide was originally omitted from their touring schedule. What changed this was an 80,000 person petition organised by the late radio host, Bob Francis and finding a sponsor in former department store, John Martin’s. Ringo Starr missed the tour with tonsillitis but was replaced with Jimmy Nicol. In 1964, the Beatles touched down at Adelaide Airport. What followed was the Adelaide public giving the Beatles the biggest crowd of their entire touring career. Estimates for the crowd range however a commonly quoted figure is 300,000 plus people. The crowd, close to half of Adelaide’s population, was doubly impressive as the Education Department warned that any student absent from school on the Friday that the Beatles arrived would be suspended.

 

The Beatles in Adelaide

The crowd flocks to see the Beatles at the Town Hall.

 

People lined the streets from the airport to the city. Upon arrival at the Adelaide Town Hall, Bob Francis interviewed the Beatles. John Lennon Called it “The best reception ever.” The Beatles were clearly surprised by the crowd with George Harrison quipping “There were only 3,000 people at the airport in New York, so why should there be 300,000 in Adelaide?” A short video of the Beatles frenzied trip to Adelaide can be viewed here.

 

The Beatles in Adelaide2

The Beatles in the foreground are greeted by the large Adelaide crowd.

Edward Wakefield

Edward Wakefield, known as a founding father of South Australia, had a chequered past. At the age of 30 he abducted a 15 year-old girl from England and travelled to Scotland where he forced her to marry him. They then travelled to France where Wakefield was caught. He was sentenced to 3 years in prison. Wakefield was instrumental in drafting the 1834 South Australia act. His interest in South Australia then diminished and he travelled to New Zealand to live where he became a key figure in the colonisation of that country. Interestingly, Wakefield never actually travelled to South Australia. Wakefield Street in Adelaide is named after Edward’s brother Daniel, who like Edward, was involved in drafting the South Australia act and never visited Adelaide. An interesting list of many Adelaide streets and who they are named after can be found here.

 

Edward Wakefield

Edward Wakefield

 

Adelaide Gaol

Adelaide Gaol2

The entrance to the Adelaide Gaol.

 

When planning Adelaide, the founders didn’t devote resources or space for a jail, believing that one would not be necessary. Their rationale was that unlike other areas of Australia settled by convicts, Adelaide’s free colonists would be honourable people. Adelaide Gaol was eventually built in 1841 in Thebarton and contained around 300,000 prisoners in total over 147 years prior to shutting down in 1988. Across its existence, 45 people were executed there and remained buried on the grounds. The exorbitant cost of building the Adelaide Gaol ballooned out to one fifth of the total funds set aside for the establishment of the entire new colony. The Adelaide Gaol’s cost was the key factor in South Australia becoming bankrupt in 1840. It also led to subsequent bankruptcies and was the catalyst for a statewide depression. Adelaide Gaol holds the record as the longest that a prison has been continuously run in Australia. Alongside Government House, Adelaide Gaol is the equal oldest public building in South Australia.

 

Adelaide Gaol

The Adelaide Gaol’s hanging tower.

Luna Park

Prior to the Beachouse and Magic Mountain, Glenelg was home to Luna Park. It was opened in 1930 and shut down in 1935. This was due to council disputes, the worry by locals that “undesirable” people would be in their neighbourhood, economic issues and the dissatisfaction from church groups that rides were running on Sundays. Glenelg’s Luna Park lived on in some sense as the rides and amusements were disassembled, packed up and shipped off to create the famous Luna Park in Sydney. There is however one ride that remained at Glenelg from the Luna Park era- the carousel, in operation since 1901. This ride was later used at Magic Mountain and now at the Beachouse.

 

Luna Park Glenelg

Luna Park Glenelg, featuring the Big Dipper.

 

Torrens Island Concentration Camp

Shortly after the British Empire became engaged in WWI, Australians of German heritage had to report to a police station and were put on a weekly parole. At this time around 10% of the South Australian population was German. On October the 9th 1914, a concentration camp opened on Torrens Island, not far from Port Adelaide. Initially, only those men who had been in the German military reserves and those who had travelled on German ships were imprisoned there. Soon, all German and Austro-Hungarian men of military age in Australia were deemed various degrees of security risk. The Torrens Park concentration camp numbers grew to over 400. It had been said that the Torrens Island concentration camp had “By far the worst reputation of all internment camps in the Commonwealth.” The camp was closed in August 1915 and the official records of the camp were destroyed.

 

Torrens Island Concentration Camp

The tents that the inmates slept in at the Torrens Island concentration camp.

How to Win at Celebrity Heads

March 28, 2017

 Celebrity Heads pic

 

What better way to subtly imply that your mother-in-law is the moral equivalent to a 20th? Century fascist dictator than to write Mussolini on her forehead. ***Word of warning*** Whilst this is likely to be laughed off on the first occasion, on the next seven occasions, writing her down as Adolf Hitler, Pol Pot, Genghis Khan, Vlad the Impaler, Robert Mugabe, Kim Il Sung and Saddam Hussein isn’t likely to go down as well.

The two best types of parties involve writing on peoples’ foreheads. The first form involves scribbling various explicit words and symbols on passed out drunk people’s brows (in permanent Texta, of course). The second involves a piece of paper between the Texta and forehead and preferably players not being passed out drunk- Welcome to the game of celebrity heads. This article will describe how to best guess your celebrity and how to stump others with seemingly easy celebrities that will ultimately be unguessable. Finally, a list of celebrity names will be included, including their approximate difficulty levels.

What is Celebrity Heads?

For the uninitiated, Celebrity Heads AKA ‘C.H.’ involves two or more players who each write a celebrities name on some paper and stick it to another unsuspecting victim, ahem “player’s” forehead (not with superglue). Players take turns in asking questions to determine what famous person’s name is stuck on their forehead. For every “yes” answer you gain, you are permitted in asking another question. Similarly to teenagers who have just returned home from high school, your questions can just be answered with “Yes” or “No.”

For instance I may ask: “Do I have orange skin?” *Yes*

“Do I have small hands? *Yes*

“Am I an Oompa Loompa?” *No*

Then the next player has their turn. The term celebrity is used loosely to indicate anyone that is well known. This includes those famous for an achievement, infamous for a wrong doing or someone who falls into neither category like a Kardashian.

Celebrity Heads pic 2

 

Loopholes

There exists some loopholes in C.H. that improve your chances of victory but are frowned upon. Something to do with ‘not in the spirit of the game, blah, blah, blah.’ Think back to the semi-obscure 90’s movie, Airbud. “Ain’t no rules says a dog can’t play basketball.”

The Negation Loophole

The first loophole is to negate questions. For instance, rather than ask “Am I a scientist?” leading to a fairly high chance of a “no” answer and then the next player’s turn, you can ask “Am I not a scientist?” This can be extended to individual celebrity guesses such as “Am I not Albert Einstein?” This will result in a likely extended run of “yes” answers and also an extended group of people who won’t play C.H. with you again.

The Conjunction Loophole

In a similar ilk to the negation loophole, the conjunction loophole works on the ‘fishing for yes answers’ theory. For instance, I can ask “Am I in the entertainment or sports or science or politics field?” If I gain a “yes” answer, I can then ask three of those categories, then two etc. In reality, this loophole is taking C.H. far too seriously, akin to wearing a speed skating skinsuit down to the local ice-skating rink for a day with the family.

Extended Rules

The unfortunate people who must endure my presence when playing C.H. have banned the negation and conjunction loopholes. That is, you can’t ask “am I not?” or use “and/or” in piling up categories within questions. Also, the chosen person mustn’t be fictional. Despite this, our family games still descend into controversy levels approaching a Jerry Springer episode with a paternity test, cheating husband and secretive transvestite rolled into one.

How to Guess Your Person

Celebrity Heads pic 4

Broad Questions

A key to winning C.H. is to gain “yes” answers by asking the broadest question possible hence banking up more questions. For instance, rather than asking if you are a scientist whose fame is largely ignored by society in honour of sportspeople (hoorah), it is more likely you are in the entertainment category.  Rather than asking if you are on TV, querying if you appear on a screen can cover TV and movies. Instead of questioning if you are from the Dominican Republic, ask if you were born in the Americas, followed by North America before becoming more specific. If you have determined that you play sports, next ask “Is it a ball sport?” rather than immediately guessing basketball. Rather than asking if you are a cyclist or sprinter, ask the broader question of if you have used performance enhancing drugs.

Skewed Questions

Another key questioning tactic is to skew the likelihood of your question being answered “yes.” For instance, if you are playing with females who you think most likely gave you a female C.H. then asking “Am I a male?” will result in a “no” answer and the next player’s turn. If you are playing with Sheldon Cooper, asking “Am I Leonard Nimoy?” is more sensible than asking “Am I a sportsperson?” In essence, know what categories the type of people you are playing with will choose and exploit this to gain “yes” answers.

Realms

These realms aren’t alternate dimensions à la Narnia but are rather aimed at making the questions more general. As opposed to enquiring as to whether you are a politician, asking about whether you are in the political realm is more likely to result in a “yes” answer. Asking if you are in the movie realm rather than an actor broadens your range to directors, producers, movie writers but doesn’t include those who featured in Sharknado which I refuse to acknowledge as a legitimate movie.

Target Questions

The most common path to guessing your person typically involves determining their category of fame or their geographical location. Once the general area of fame has been established, the subcategory can often reveal the celebrity. Sometimes, if things are still nebulous, focusing on the era, age and appearance of a person can be useful.

Categories to Target

In my limited experience, the most likely categories that celebrities may fall into within this game are in order of likelihood; entertainment, sports, politics, the arts (including painting and literature etc.), historical, science and notorious. If your celebrity doesn’t fall into one of these categories, you can always use broad questions such as “Is my category taught at school?” You should try targeting entertainment with an early question as opposed to the category of ‘chess players’ (who despite being almost exclusively monogamous, are still called ‘players.’)

Increments

Asking questions in small increments can provide specific information and “yes” answers. For instance: “Am I over 10 years old?” *yes*

Am I over 15? *yes*

Am I over 20? *yes* etc.

A geographical alternative is:

Was I born East of Egypt? *yes*

Was I born East of Syria? *yes*

Was I born East of Agrabah? (From Aladdin, a location that many people apparently want to bomb) *No*

This increment technique borders on the loophole section and is akin to when the Australians rolled the cricket ball down the pitch so the New Zealand batsmen couldn’t hit it for 6 runs. It seems to be within the rules but against the spirit of fairness. For those unfamiliar with this sport of cricket (Americans), it apparently involves racing small insects.

How to Choose a Difficult Celebrity Head for Someone

Celebrity Heads pic 3

Everyone seems to have a dodgy bearded uncle that pops up at Christmas time with a whiff of a recreational drug scent that he claims is cologne. This uncle is slightly too amorous towards his nieces. By giving him the celebrity heads; Bill Cosby, Jared the Subway Guy and Jimmy Savile, you are warning him you are onto him.

Determining a difficult person for someone else to guess can be easy. For instance, no-one I have played with has guessed the President of Equatorial Guinea, ‘Teodoro Obiang Nguema Mbasogo.’ It is no coincidence that people I have given this person to have not wanted to play again. The challenge in selecting someone demandingly appropriate lies in the person being universally known yet difficult to guess.

A challenging C.H. varies from social group to social group. For instance, if you are playing with teenage girls, Niels Bohr is unfairly impossible yet Kim Kardashian would be simplistic. If your clique includes professors of quantum mechanics, Niels Bohr would be guessed instantaneously yet KK would likely be left (much like her ex-husband list has done).

Peculiar Categories

The most successful mark of a good C.H. is someone that falls into an esoteric category that would be difficult for the guesser to ascertain. Some of these categories are subsets of larger groups such as entertainment yet they are still very difficult to discover. Some peculiar categories include; astronauts, explorers, inventors, chess players, people in the fashion world, models, computer based geeks/billionaires, radio hosts, finance people, the rich, lawyers, poker player, magicians, online stars e.g. YouTubers, directors, photographers, dancers, health professionals, mathematicians, ambassadors, police officers, spokespeople, judges, doctors, architects or philosophers.

By Proxy

An even more difficult group of people to guess in C.H. are those famous by proxy. This includes wives/husbands/gf/bf of famous people. Think of those of Desperate Housewives franchise fame who are now ironically easier to guess due to being on reality TV for being famous by proxy. By proxy people can be further extended to well-known brothers/sisters/children/parents of famous people. Monica Lewinsky is a nigh on impossible person to guess in C.H. and would fall into this category of ‘by proxy.’ MJ (the singer, not the basketball player) had three children who would all be included in this category. North West (the child-not the direction: I haven’t taken a sudden interest in cartography) would be easier to guess as they could be determined by their young age.

Multi Category Fame

This category is risky business. The theory involves choosing someone famous in multiple categories, e.g. entertainment and sport. If the guesser stumbles across the category they are most famous for initially, it will likely be an easy get. If they probe the secondary category, they are likely to struggle with their guesses. Most mere mortals like myself will never gain fame in one category yet these polymaths have gained it in multiple. Examples of people in the multi fame category include; Grace Kelly, Johnny Weissmuller, Caitlyn Jenner and MJ (this time the basketballer/baseball player not the singer).

Birthplace Dilemma

Some of the most common questions in C.H. rotate around determining where a person is born. People seldom ask if they still live in the location of their birth. Difficult to guess C.H. can include celebrities born in a place that they are not associated with. For instance, Nicole Kidman was born in Hawaii and George Orwell was Indian born. This category doesn’t extend to some L. Ron Hubbard disciples who think they were born on the planet of Xenu.

Geographically Challenging

Choosing a celebrity for someone else who was born in an obscure country can take you on the fast track to victory. Unless you are playing with a cartographile and biography buff.  Guessers will go from continent to continent and country to country probing for their birthplace *Cue the Benny Hill music*. When narrowing down the continent someone is born on, people tend to forget about New Zealand. This occurs to the point that many world maps don’t have New Zealand on them. Sex, I mean, six Kiwi born celebrities that are challenging gets include; Keith Urban, Lorde, Sir Edmund Hillary, Peter Jackson, Lucy Lawless and Russell Crowe. Freddie Mercury falls under both the birthplace dilemma and geographically challenging umbrellas, having been born in Tanzania.

Notorious

A favourite category for the macabrely inclined is the notorious person category. The notorious group is notoriously hard to guess as people seldom ask “Am I infamous?” Charles Manson, Jack the Ripper, Billy the Kid and Al Capone are just some of the names in this set. Depending on your locale, a local serial killer or infamous person can be a challenging C.H. person. On the flipside, victims of crime that are famous belong to an equitably challenging category. Warning: By choosing someone from this category, those around you will assume you live in a room akin to the movie ‘One Hour Photo’ with creepy pictures plastering your walls and people will infer that you have strange symbols drawn around your house like something out of the Zodiac Killer textbook.

Cliché

This category is seemingly nonsensical. Why play a fun, simply game of C.H. when you can watch the people around you squirm in anguish and hatred (with them abusing you for giving them someone difficult and perhaps losing their temper and thus the becoming a member of the notorious category themselves when you are found dumped in a river days later). Alas I digress.

The cliché category can be difficult if the right person is chosen. Choosing an American middleish-aged, alive actor or actress amongst the plethora of names can be challenging for the guesser. Names like Adam Sandler, Halle Berry, Cameron Diaz, Dustin Hoffman etc. can be difficult to land on once the person enters the entertainment-movie category. When it comes to Hollywood, I am someone who doesn’t know their Afflecks from their Zsa Zsas. In fact, French mime, Marcel Marceau could have verbally listed more Hollywood celebrity names than me, so please be more creative than the names I have in this category. American singers/TV actors can be impossible to guess amongst the sea of famous American singers/TV actors. English authors can be difficult gets so by labelling your sweet and wholesome grandmother, English author, Charles (draw phallus symbol)- ens can provide amusement on two levels.

List of Celebrity Heads

The following is my subjective determination of some C.H. difficulty ratings. They range from 1 star being easiest to guess to 5 stars being ‘friendship with the person you gave this to is effectively over.’ I’ve also listed in brackets the probable route people need to take in order to guess the celebrity. By choosing from the 4 or 5 star category, are you taking a fun parlour game too seriously- Absolutely. Will you be alienating your friends by being that competitive person- Check. Do I like asking myself questions and then answering them- Yes I do.

 

1 Star

Donald Trump (politics)

Barack Obama (politics)

Queen Elizabeth II (England, royalty)

Justin Bieber (Canada, singer)

 

2 Star

Steve Irwin (Australia, TV, era, deceased)

PSY (South Korea)

Roger Federer (Switzerland, sports)

William Shakespeare (England, era, arts)

Kim Kardashian (TV, reality)

Adolf Hitler (Austria, era, notorious)

Vincent Van Gogh (Netherlands, arts)

Oprah Winfrey (TV, talk show)

Nelson Mandela (South Africa)

Ludwig Van Beethoven (Germany, music, era)

Mahatma Gandhi (India)

Winston Churchill (England, politics)

Muhammad Ali (sport)

JK Rowling (England, arts)

Paul McCartney (singer, England)

Usain Bolt (Jamaica, sport)

 

3 Star

Alan Turing (England, science, era)

Jerry Seinfeld (TV, comedy)

Paris Hilton (TV, reality)

Melania Trump (Slovenia)

Plato (Greece, era)

Sigmund Freud (Czech Republic, science)

Erno Rubik (Hungary)

Charles Darwin (science, era)

Banksy (arts, England?)

Cameron Diaz (movies)

Saddam Hussein (Iraq, notorious)

Albert Einstein (Germany, era, science)

Jerry Springer (TV, talk show)

Grace Kelly (actress, royalty)

Johnny Weissmuller (sport, movies)

Adam Sandler (movies)

Halle Berry (movies)

Charles Dickens (England, writer, era)

Caitlyn Jenner (sport, TV, reality)

Marilyn Monroe (movies, era)

Nicole Kidman (movies)

Christopher Columbus (Italy, era, exploring)

Lorde (New Zealand, singer)

North West (age, by proxy?)

Russell Crowe (New Zealand, movies)

Alfred Hitchcock (producer, England, movies)

Dustin Hoffman (movies, age)

Anne Frank (Netherlands, arts, age, era)

Marie Curie (Poland, science)

 

4 Star

Mark Zuckerberg (science?)

Bill Gates (rich, science?)

Walt Disney (producer, era)

Judge Judy (entertainment, TV, age)

Edward Snowden (notorious for some, living in Russia)

Bobby Fischer (will you count chess as a sport?)

Rupert Murdoch (Australia, age)

Harry Houdini (entertainment, magic)

L. Ron Hubbard (arts, religious figure?)

Penn Jillette (entertainment, TV, magic, lives in Las Vegas)

Thomas Edison (inventor, business)

Perez Hilton (entertainment, online)

Bill Cosby (comedian, actor, author, singer, notorious)

Chelsea Clinton (TV, by proxy?)

Neil Armstrong (explorer, scientist?)

Orville Wright (inventor, era)

Cindy Crawford (model, entertainment?)

Freddie Mercury (lived in England, singer, era, deceased)

George Orwell (lived in England, arts, era)

Sir Edmund Hillary (New Zealand, exploring)

Charles Manson (Notorious)

Jack the Ripper (England, notorious, era)

Al Capone (Notorious, era)

Pope Francis (Argentina, religious figure)

 

5 Star

Monica Lewinsky (TV, activist)

Robert Kardashian, attorney (By proxy?)

Chelsea Manning (notorious for some)

Henry Ford (inventor, business)

Alexander Fleming (medicine)

Paris Jackson (actress, by proxy)

Jackie Kennedy Onassis (by Proxy)

Richard Branson (businessman, England, wealth)

 

A glut of other 4 and  5 star C.H. fall within the following categories; astronauts, explorers, inventors, chess players, people in the fashion world, models, computer-centric people, radio hosts, finance figures, the rich, lawyers, poker players, magicians, online stars eg YouTubers, directors, mathematicians, photographers, dancers, health professionals, ambassadors, spokespeople, philosophers and the infamous. Also don’t forget to think up some local names in your specific state/country.

Overall, the real question you should be asking is not “Am I in the entertainment realm?” but rather asking yourself, “Do I want to be a social pariah by taking Celebrity Heads far too seriously?” The answer to that question is always a yes.

The Most Amazing Facts About Adelaide and South Australia

January 28, 2016

 

Farmers Union Iced Coffee

Statistics from 2008 show that Famers Union Iced Coffee (FUIC) outsold Coca-Cola at a ratio of almost 3:1 in South Australia. South Australia is the only place worldwide where the phenomenon of a milk drink outselling a cola product occurs. It is quite remarkable that it not only occurs in South Australia but by such a significant margin. The only other locations that Cola products are outsold by other drinks are in Peru (Inca Kola) and in Scotland (Irn-Bru.)

Farmer's Union Iced Coffee

 

The amount of FUIC drunk each year in South Australia equates to about 22.5 litres per resident of South Australia. Such is the prevalence of FUIC in South Australia, that the locally produced third edition of the Mitsubishi Magna had square cup holders to hold FUIC. It should be noted that Mitsubishi does own FUIC.

 

Hungry Jack’s vs Burger King

Have you ever wondered why there is a dearth of Burger King restaurants in Australia yet an abundance of the similarly marketed Hungry Jack’s? During the 1970s, Jack Cowin attempted to create Burger King restaurants in Australia. Unfortunately for Cowin, the Burger King name had already been trademarked in 1962 by a single takeaway restaurant in Adelaide (see image.) This was located on the corner of Anzac Highway and Leader Street in Keswick and would later expand to 17 restaurants across Australia. In 1962, the name Burger King belonged to a fairly tiny yet burgeoning burger chain located in America. By the time that the American Burger King stores wanted to expand into Australia, they were unable to use the Burger King name due to trademark.

The original Burger King on Anzac Highway

 

There is more to this winding and often confusing Burger King/Hungry Jack’s dichotomy however the essence of the fact is that Burger King originally couldn’t expand into Australia due to the trademark on the name by a restaurant on Anzac Highway.

 

The Third Most Expensive Building in the World

The new Royal Adelaide Hospital, upon completion, will be the third most expensive building in the world, at a cost of $2.7billion Australian. The only buildings that have cost more money to produce have been the One World Trade Centre in New York and Romanian dictator, Nicolae Ceausescu’s Palace of the Parliament. The new Royal Adelaide Hospital will also set the record for being the largest building in Australia ever built in terms of floor space.

New Royal Adelaide hospital

 

The second most expensive building built in Australia is also found in Adelaide and surprisingly is the Myer Centre building. Peculiarly, the Myer Centre building is the equal 12th most expensive building in the world. Another source lists the Gold Coast University hospital as the 2nd most expensive building in Australia. It should be noted that the list of the most expensive buildings in the world takes into account currency movements and only includes building that were built since 1976.

Myer Centre Building

 

Adelaide Famous in Iran

As bizarre as it seems, obscure Adelaide landmarks are well known in Iran. A Japanese anime TV series titled, ‘Lucy of the Southern Rainbow’ was produced in Japan in the 1980s. It was based on the book ‘Southern Rainbow’ written by Australian author Phyllis Piddington. The story tells of a girl called Lucy and her travails as she moves with her family from England to Adelaide. The TV show was dubbed into multiple languages including; Arabic, French, German, Italian, Persian and Spanish. The TV show was very well received in Iran and considered a staple of growing up. It was known by the name ‘Immigrants’ in Iran. Across the 50 episode series, countless Adelaide landmarks are mentioned from the Post Office clock in the CBD right through to Glenelg and Colonel William Light. It is extraordinary to think of a large portion of the Iranian population being aware of humble Adelaide’s landmarks!

Lucy of the Southern Rainbow

 

Some enthusiastic Japanese fans of ‘Lucy of the Southern Rainbow’ have written a translated synopsis of each episode at the bottom of this link. 

 

Largest in the Southern Hemisphere

  • The Adelaide Christmas Pageant is the largest Christmas parade in the southern hemisphere. An estimated 400,000 people gathered along the parade route in 2015 to watch the floats and other entertainment. Amazingly, this is equivalent to approximately one in every three residents of Adelaide attending the event. The Adelaide Christmas Pageant was inspired by the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade and the Toronto Santa Claus Parade.

Adelaide Christmas Pageant.jpg

 

 

  • The largest cinema complex in the southern hemisphere is located at Westfield Marion. This Event Cinemas site at Marion features 26 screens.

 

Westfield Marion Cinema

 

 

  • This isn’t a ‘largest’ in the southern hemisphere but an ‘only’ in the southern hemisphere. The only giant pandas in the southern hemisphere are housed at the Adelaide Zoo. They are named Wang Wang and Fu Ni. There are only 7 other giant panda exhibits in the world.

Wang Wang and Funi

 

  • The Adelaide Central Market is the largest fresh produce market that is undercover in the southern hemisphere.

 

Adelaide Central Market

 

 

  • The Adelaide Fringe Festival is the largest arts festival in the southern hemisphere and second largest worldwide.

Adelaide Fringe Festival

 

 

  • The Bicentennial Conservatory is the largest single span glasshouse in the southern hemisphere. It measures 100 metres in length, 47 metres in width and 27 metres in height. The Bicentennial Conservatory is located in the Adelaide Botanic Gardens.

 

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

 

 

  • The Adelaide Botanic Gardens are also home to the oldest glasshouse in the southern hemisphere- the palm house. The palm house was imported from Bremen, Germany to Adelaide in 1875. The uniqueness of the palm house is emphasised by the fact that it is thought to be the only Victorian glasshouse of its type in the world.

Palm House

 

 

The Royal Adelaide Show

The Royal Adelaide Show is thought to hold the world record for the most number of times a show has been held in the world. The Royal Adelaide Show has even surpassed the number of shows held by the ‘Royal Bath and West England Society’ which was founded in 1777. In 2015, the Royal Agricultural and Horticultural Society held its 240th Royal Adelaide Show. The first show was held in the yard of a pub in Grenfell Street in the year 1840. For many years the show was held in spring and autumn which is why 240 shows have been held across 176 years. The Royal Adelaide Show is the biggest event in South Australia and is attended by around 500,000 people each year.

The Royal Adelaide Show

 

Stobie Poles

The iconic South Australian Stobie poles are poles consisting of two steel beams filled in with concrete. They serve the purpose of holding up power lines and are essentially a replacement for wooded power poles. Invented in 1924 by James Stobie, the poles were created to thwart South Australia’s problem of limited timber supplies as well as to avoid the common problem of termite infestations. Originally, large holes were placed in the stobie poles (see the left pole on the image below) however they are now filled in with concrete (image below, on the right.)

Stobie Poles

 

At Angle Park, the SA Power Network facility remains the sole manufacturer of the poles in the world, producing 20-40 per day. There are estimated to be a massive 725,000 stobie poles in South Australia, equating to about one pole per two residents of the state. There exists a sprinkling of stobie poles outside of South Australia, located in; Broken Hill, Tasmania, Darwin and remote Western Australia settlements. Despite this, stobie poles are somewhat a symbol of the state and considered quintessentially South Australian.

 

Port River Dolphins

Adelaide is the place in the world where wild dolphins live closest to the metropolitan area of a city. There are thought to be over 300 individual dolphins that visit the Port River, located just a 20 minute drive from the Adelaide CBD. The Fremantle Port Harbour in Western Australia also houses dolphins although this is further from the CBD of Perth. Outside of the Fremantle Harbour and Port River, there are no other metropolitan areas in the world with wild dolphins. The dolphins that frolic in the Port River have become renowned for ‘tail walking.’ This phenomenon involves the dolphin leaping out of the water and propelling itself backwards whilst remaining vertical. The Port River dolphins are the only wild dolphins in the world that have mastered ‘tail walking.’ A video of the Port River dolphins performing this feat can be seen below.

 

 

The Southern Expressway

The Southern Expressway, starting and finishing on Main South Road was the world’s longest reversible one-way freeway. At 21 kilometres in length, it was completed in 1997. Up until 2014, the expressway was open for 10 hours in one direction then 10 hours in the opposite direction. While the Southern Expressway was being built and for many years after it was opened, a specific FM radio station, created by the Department of Transport could be picked up by cars in the vicinity. The radio station consisted of promotional material and community information pertaining to the expressway. The broadcasts also featured a theme song for the expressway which prompted the then transport minister to claim is was the only road in the world to have its own jingle. Since August 2014, the Southern Expressway has been made two-way, relinquishing the title of the world’s longest reversible one-way freeway.

Southern Expressway real

 

The O-Bahn

Another Adelaide oddity is the O-Bahn. The O-Bahn connecting the city with the north-eastern suburbs is one of only two O-Bahn’s in the world. The O-Bahn is essentially a system by which a normal bus that drives on the road is then able to drive on a specialised purpose built track just for buses. Adelaide’s O-Bahn is also the world’s second longest guided busway at 12 kilometres in length. The Adelaide O-Bahn originally held the world record as the world’s longest guided busway until the Cambridgeshire guided busway opened in 2011 at 25 kilometres in length.

O-Bahn

 

There are some well thought out contingencies in place regarding accidents on the Adelaide O-Bahn. A specifically designed vehicle by the name Dumbo is used along the Adelaide O-Bahn in instances of buses breaking down. There are also numerous signs to warn cars that they are not permitted on the O-Bahn tracks. A ‘Sump buster’ is also in place that is designed to rip a car’s oil pan out if it mistakenly gets onto the O-Bahn tracks. Despite this, a tourist managed to travel 2 kilometres along the O-Bahn in 2007. Each year there are 4 cars on average that gain access onto the O-Bahn tracks and require removal by a crane.

 

Ediacaran Period

Reginald Sprigg was working for the South Australian government in 1946 with the aim of finding abandoned mines that could be reused. He was searching the Ediacaran Hills in the Flinders Ranges, South Australia. What Sprigg discovered was fossils of the earliest complex organisms on earth. In essence, Sprigg found the beginning of visible life on earth. This caused a paradigm shift in the field of evolutionary biology as no evidence of life had been found before the famous era of the Cambrian explosion of life.

Ediacaran Fossil

 

Other Precambrian fossils had been found before Sprigg’s discovery however they weren’t organic. In 2004, the first new geological period in 120 years was named as the Ediacaran period after the hills in South Australia that Sprigg found his fossils. Many of Sprigg’s fossils are currently on display at the South Australian museum yet most people walk past them without a glance. Reginald Sprigg also helped found the large oil and gas company- SANTOS.

 

Anna Creek Station

Anna Creek Station, located relatively near Coober Pedy, is the world’s largest working cattle station. Originally the station held sheep however dingo attacks caused them to switch their focus to cattle. The size of Anna Creek Station is put simply- enormous. At 6 million acres in size, it is larger than the country of Israel. It is also larger than 10 European countries including; Slovenia, Montenegro, Cyprus, Luxembourg and Malta. The second largest cattle station in the world, Alexandria Station in the Northern territory is almost 2 million acres smaller than Anna Creek Station. Anna Creek Station is more than 7 times larger than the USA’s largest ranch. Interestingly, light aircraft are used on Anna Creek Station to spot animals that need rounding up.

Anna Creek Station

 

Shot by a Camel

The man who introduced the first camel into Australia was shot by his camel. John Horrocks came to South Australia in 1839. He was one of the very early settlers of the Clare Valley, established the first vineyard in this region and established the town of Penwortham, 10 kilometres south of Clare. Horrocks was the first person to bring a camel into Australia and used it as an exploration aid. The camel named Harry arrived at Port Adelaide in 1840. On one of his exploration trips, the camel attacked the expedition’s cook- biting a large chunk out of his head.  A few days later, Horrocks was planning to shoot a bird at Lake Dutton, 100 kilometres north of Port Augusta. Horrocks wrote, “The camel gave a lurch to one side, and caught his pack in the cock of my gun, which discharged the barrel I was unloading.” The bullet removed the middle finger on his right hand and a row of his teeth. As a result of being shot by his camel, Horrocks ordered that the camel also be shot. Approximately a month after being shot by his camel, Horrocks passed away from the consequential gangrene.

 John Horrocks

Anagrams of Countries

September 3, 2014

 The English names of certain countries can be rearranged to spell words found in the dictionary. An example of this is the letters of ‘Yemen’ can be rearranged to spell the word ‘enemy.’ Below, is a list I have compiled, of all of the valid one word anagrams of the countries of the world. The country list I used to check for anagrams can be found here and the anagram solver I used can be found here. There exists 36 countries on the list. 

 

Particular anagrams of note include:

The longest anagram and country name (10 letters) –

Micronesia and acrimonies.

 

The second longest anagram and country name (9 letters) –

East Timor and estimator.

Suriname and aneurism.

 

The most anagrams of a country name- Israel with 5 anagrams (serial, sailer, resail, ariels and serail)  

 

 

 

The list

 

Algeria = regalia

Angola = analog and agonal

Benin = benni

Brunei = bernie

Burma = rumba and umbra

Cameroon = coenamor

Chile = chiel

China = chain

Curacao = Curacoa

Cyprus = Sprucy

Dominica = daimonic

East Timor = estimator

Eritrea = tearier

Estonia = atonies

Gabon = bogan and goban

Guyana = guanay

Iceland = inlaced

Iran = rain, rani and airn

Israel = serial, sailer, resail, ariels and serial

Italy = laity

Laos = also and sola

Libya = bialy

Mali = mail and mila

Malta = tamal

Micronesia = acrimonies

Nepal = panel, plane, penal and plena

Niger = reign and renig

Oman = moan, noma and mano

Peru = pure

Samoa = Omasa

Serbia = rabies and braise

Spain = pains, pinas, nipas and pians

Suriname = aneurism

Taiwan = atwain

Tonga = tango

Yemen = enemy

 

 

The 100 Funniest Facebook Pages of 2014

January 12, 2014

Click on any page’s name and it will take you to that Facebook page.

 

1. Painting your lawn blue so google earth thinks you have a pool.

 

2. Voldemort has a flat face because he ran into the wrong wall at the Station

 

3. The awkward moment when wikipedia has copied your homework.

 

4. Being inappropriately drunk at low-key family gatherings

 

5. “Dear Google,Can u Just let Me Write my Sentence Before u Start Guessing”

 

6. Slowly dying when the teacher picks the slow reader.

 

7. Mom: Where were you last night? Son: Studying with my friends. Mom: Don’t lie. Son: Alright, I was at a stripper club. Mom: DID YOU SEE ANYTHING THERE THAT YOU WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO SEE?!?!? Son: yeh…I saw dad.

 

8. Gingers, the only people who look forward to going grey

 

9. Randomly thrusting at inappropriate times

 

10. “I wanna fuck you so hard right now” “what!” “Damn autocorrect. I mean Hey”

 

11. That mysterious toothbrush in the bathroom that nobody in your family uses.

 

12. I like your makeup… LOL, jk. It looks like you got gangbanged by Crayola.

 

13. Wtf is up with all these lol jk groups? LOL Jk I’ve joined like 50

 

14. Girl: “OH F*CK IT’S A SPIDER!” Guy: “Calm down, it’s just a spi… OH SH*T, THAT B*TCH IS HUGE!”

 

15. Sorry I missed your call… LOL JK I ignored that shit.

 

16. ‘hey umm, isn’t this kinda dangerous’…..”JUST SHUT UP and hold my BEER”

 

17. Math is the only place where I hear someone doing ridiculous things. FOR EXAMPLE, “John has 30 chocolate bars, he eats 23, what does he have now?” DIABETES?? MAYBE???!!!

 

18. Making faces at little kids, while their parents aren’t looking

 

19. i just watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes and I though to myself, “Wow dogs are easily entertained…” Then I realised, I just watched my dog chase it’s tail for ten minutes…

 

20. Dear mom, I’m wearing skinny jeans. Sincerely, If I can’t get them off, neither can the rapist.

 

21. not sure if homeless or hipster

 

22. “Marriage” – Betting someone half your shit that you’ll love them forever

 

23. Supergluing woody n buzz to your shelf so they cant have fun when youre out

 

24. “I used the theasurus” “You signed your name as ‘Baby Kangaroo Tribbiani'”

 

25. Spelling a word so bad that spell check cant even fix it.

 

26. Children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children

 

27. The awkward moment when a PE teacher is fat

 

28. The awkward moment when you go to grab someone sexy and headbutt the mirror

 

29. The awkward moment when gingers claim to be strawberry blonde

 

30. ツ The Awkward Moment When “The Awkward Moment” Isn’t That Awkward ツ

 

31. Hi, yes I do specialist maths, ladies please form a y=mx+c.

 

32. Grandpa: When i was your age my momma would send me down to the store with $1 and I would come back with 5 bags of potatoes 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk a box of tea and 6 eggs but you cant do that these days to many stupid security cameras.

 

33. When I play fighting games I press random buttons and hope for the best

 

34. I just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. I don’t want to cause any arguments but… shouldn’t that be an even number?

 

35. University: Producing the most educated alcoholics since 1892

 

36. Sometimes…When I’m Bored…I Stand In A Room And Pretend Im A Carrot.

 

37. Calm the fuck down, i watch man vs wild, i got this.

 

38. COD, Keeping teenage pregnancy down since 2003.

 

39. “ahaha you flinched”, “no shit u nearly punched me”

 

40. If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I would never be bored again.

 

41. Okay, I will get out of the bed in 10 seconds. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-9-9-9.

 

42. Dad: Son, I think we should talk about sex now. Son: Ok, what do u wanna to know?

 

43. “Shhh Guys Im Calling My Mum” *Person in Backround* “Oi Bro Pass The Bong”

 

44. Standing naked on the porch waiting for google maps to take a picture.

 

45. Hi, im Osama Bin Laden , and Windows 7 was my idea.

 

46. “Yes Officer I did see the Speed Limit sign I just didn’t see YOU”

 

47. Dentist Stop Talking to Me, I Cant Talk Your Hand is in My Mouth

 

48. Alcoholic?! No, i believe its pronounced Drinking Enthusiast.

 

49. stop microwave with 1 second to go……………….. feel like a bomb defuser

 

50. Talking to someone then randomly yelling “NO I WILL NOT TAKE OFF MY PANTS!”

 

51. You: “I’d like a Coke.” Waiter:”Is Pepsi ok?” You: “Is Monopoly money ok?”

 

52. Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn, he stands outside and dares it to grow.

 

53. Chuck norris can play dubstep on a triangle.

 

54. chuck norris’s daughter lost her virginity….he got it back.

 

55. Chuck Norris had sex with a truck, 9months later optimus prime was born

 

56. Eyeing your toys suspiciously after watching toy story.

 

57. My neighbours listen to good music, whether they like it or not

 

58. Violently fist pumping when your teacher wheels in the TV trolley

 

59. being nice to the weird kid in class so they spare you when they snap.

 

60. Looks like Voldemorts parents took the ”got your nose game’ a bit too far

 

61. Dear Pinocchio, So all I have to do is lie? Sincerely Lord Voldemort

 

62. Sending fake hogwarts letters to 11 year olds

 

63. Droping skhool coz me alredy got way to much edmucation

 

64. Deciding when its the right time to tell your pets they were adopted.

 

65. Dumping your boyfriend via scratching a message on his COD disk

 

66. Some chick told me to get lost so I bought every season on DVD

 

67. “do you have any friends?” “bitch please I have all 10 seasons”

 

68. The sexual tension between Judge Judy & the Bailiff.

 

69. Selling family members on ebay

 

70. struggling so hard to open something then spotting the “tear here”

 

71. Eww a dead camel LOL JKS im bear grylls, thats a house.

 

72. The Kid thats Wasted before the party even begins

 

73. If i got $1 for everytime i got called dumb, i would have $32.75

 

74. Swapping your mates lube with deep heat.

 

75. When i’m bored, i lay in the garden and pretend to be a cucumber.

 

76. Being more confused than a homeless person on house arrest

 

77. Having a go at the teacher for losing work that you never even did

 

78. Removing your windscreen wipers so you can’t get parking tickets.

 

79. Dumping your girlfriend via the school notices

 

80. Receiving bonus chips in the bag of air you purchased

 

81. I got an ‘e’ on my English test. I’m just glad ‘e’ stands for awesome.

 

82. Using ‘Thus’ in an essay because you are a Literary GOD

 

83. Fist pumping in a maths exam when your favourite equation comes up

 

84. Can i use ur mobile to call my mum ? Yeah just hit Redial”

 

85. Holding nan back from doing a burn out infront of her ex’s house.

 

86. People say I’m patronizing (that means I treat them like they’re stupid)

 

87. Whoever put an S in the word “lisp” was an evil genius

 

88. My Favourite Machine In The Gym Is…The vending machine

 

89. I don’t get older. I level up

 

90. Not knowing how to work other people’s showers

 

 

The following pages have funny content:

 

91. Things on my nan

 

92. Ridiculous NT News Headlines

 

93. K.O.W

 

94. Best Vines

 

95. Epic Vines

 

96. Crazy Vines

 

97. Meanwhile In Australia.

 

98. Meanwhile in Canada

 

99. Meanwhile In America

 

100. HUGELOL

 

Thanks for reading my list of the 100 Funniest Facebook Pages of 2014!

 

My first list of 100 Funny Facebook Pages to ‘Like’ can be found here: https://somerandomstuff1.wordpress.com/2010/05/03/100-funny-facebook-pages-to-like/

 

My Second list of 100 funny Facebook pages can be found here: https://somerandomstuff1.wordpress.com/2010/12/14/another-100-funny-facebook-like-pages/

 

My third list of 100 funny Facebook pages can be found here: https://somerandomstuff1.wordpress.com/2011/07/13/a-final-100-funny-facebook-pages-to-%e2%80%98like%e2%80%99/

The Berglas Effect- My Theoretical, Quasi Solution

February 12, 2012

What Is the Berglas Effect?

The Berglas Effect is widely considered amongst magicians to be the holy grail of card magic. In its purest form, the magician hands the deck to ‘spectator 1’. Following this the magician asks ‘spectator 2’ to name a card and ‘spectator 3’ to name a number. ‘Spectator 1’ then proceeds to count off the number of cards that were named and lands exactly on the spoken card. It should be noted that some versions of the Effect involve a shuffled deck.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  There is a fierce debate amongst magicians as to whether the Berglas Effect is a controlled card trick, an instance of luck or the stuff of mythology. I am inclined to believe it is a combination of all three factors. Two phenomenal performances of the Berglas Effect can be viewed here:

The original Berglas effect, which is only known and performed by David Berglas and Marc Paul, has four strict criteria.

  1. The deck is available for viewing prior to the trick (the cards are not touched by the magician.)
  2. The genuine spectator can name any of the 52 cards in the deck.
  3. A second genuine spectator is permitted to name any number between 1 and 52.
  4. A third genuine spectator counts down the selected number of cards.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    To the layperson, the Berglas Effect may appear to be a mildly entertaining card trick. To the magician who is familiar with the intricacies, methodologies and secrets of illusion, it is impossible. Some magicians have exclaimed that as the magician does not handle the deck, the trick can be one of either luck or fiction. A primary source recount of the Berglas Effect can be read here: http://www.geniimagazine.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=31790 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             There are of course methods to maximise the chances of the Berglas Effect working. Psychological manipulation to somehow force the spectator to name a certain card or number is one such method. Another method involves the use of a stacked deck. There is (I suspect) a mathematical likelihood of females selecting a certain card (e.g. a queen) and males selecting a specific card. Following on from this theory, there would exist an order of likelihood of cards being named. These cards could be duplicated and spread throughout the deck at certain intervals. The Berglas effect in some instances will not work- the magician will realise that the named card and number will  not match and he will have to improvise with an ulterior trick.

Most versions of the Berglas effect will involve the magician being aware of the order of the deck, having memorised it. Using psychological force to make the spectator count the cards from the top or bottom of the deck will double the chances of a successful trick. Many have speculated that the Berglas Effect requires the use of stooges for it to work however there exists enough evidence that the Berglas Effect performed by Marc Paul and David Berglas does not involve stooges. In fact a handful of lucky illusionists have witnessed a personal showing of a successful Berglas Effect by the aforementioned illusionists. Given the above techniques to maximise the likelihood of success of the Berglas effect, one is still left with a low percentage of successful performances. Unlike other A.C.A.A.N. effects, the conditions stipulated at the beginning of this article make it problematic for the magician to have any more involvement and hence trickery in the Berglas Effect than already mentioned.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     My Possible Berglas Effect Quasi Solution

While observing the Berglas Effect in action, it appears as if the magician can have little control in the trick after handing the cards to the spectator. My theoretical solution to the Berglas Effect is largely based upon the magician still having a temporal control of the deck when it isn’t in his hands. The one variable that is overlooked as an area the magician can affect when performing this illusion is the aspect of time- choosing when exactly the spectator deals the cards.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Essentially my quasi solution works with the spectator taking pairs of cards (as they are stuck together-two cards masquerading as one) until the magician stops them counting part way through the count and the adhesive wears off. This causes all subsequent cards to become single cards. As a result, in many named card cases, a greater than 60% success rate is achieved regardless of the number named. The magician will be aware when the number and card named are an impossible match and can employ an alternate trick.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                           Possible Variant Solutions

  1. A 52 card deck (or more) with every two cards stuck together- front to back. After x amount of time, the adhesive wears off all of the cards (say after 1 minute.) This causes the cards to separate from pairs to single cards
  2. A 52 card deck (or more) with a wet adhesive attached to the back of every second card. After x amount of time, the adhesive dries on all of the cards. This causes all of the cards to stick together as pairs.
  3. This variant is even more theoretical than 1. or 2. and involves adhesive however the drying process causing the viscosity and hence cards  sticking together (or alternative, the adhesive to cease working) results from some gaseous chemical reaction. This may take the form of a remote switch triggering a small amount of certain gas to be released over the deck (which may be on a table.) This causes the unstuck deck to stick when triggered or the stuck deck to unstick.
  4. The magician during the trick instructs the spectator holding the deck (with innocuous patter) to press down firmly on the cards e.g. to “make sure the magician can’t touch them.” Subsequently this downwards force may activate the sticking properties of the adhesive. Alternatively the magician instructs the spectator to loosen their grip on the deck, causing the adhesive properties to lessen and hence the cards to separate.
  5. An adhesive is attached to the back of every second card (perhaps similar to the Invisible deck.) The spectator picks up cards in their normal motion (the adhesive causes them to pick up two cards each time) until the magician instructs them to stop. At this point, the magician instructs them to slide cards off (with patter such as they look sweaty and they don’t won’t them sticking card together with their sweat. Another throwaway line may be that the spectator is bending the expensive cards, so could they slide them off instead?) The sliding cards off motion by the spectator will cause all single cards to be taken off from this point forwards.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                           Example of the Method in Action

In a 52 card deck, the first spectator names a card e.g. six of spades. The magician who has memorised the deck, works out the card is in the 18th position from the top of the deck. According to the theoretical solution mentioned above, the next spectator could name any number from 9 to 18, dealing from the top, or 17 to 34, dealing from the bottom and the Berglas Effect will be successful. This is essentially a 50% range. For example if the spectator names the number 15, the magician would force the spectator to count immediately from the top of the deck. At this stage, all of the cards are joined in pairs and after the spectator has counted ‘3’ cards (really 6) from the top, the magician will stop the spectator counting and talk for 20 to 30 seconds until he is certain the adhesive has worn off. They may just engage in general patter such as mentioning how impossible the trick is. Once the magician believes that the adhesive has worn off, they will invite the spectator to continue counting and all of the cards will now be single cards. To this point, the spectator has without realising it counted off 6 cards but counted to only 3 (as the cards were stuck in pairs.) They will then count 12 more single cards off with the supposed 15th card (the actual 18th card) being the selected 6 of spades.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                     Conclusion

This is definitely not the Berglas Effect method performed by David Berglas and Marc Paul. It is simply a theoretical method I devised while pondering the great illusion. I am not even confident if the properties of any adhesive make this trick possible. This version does however fulfil all of the Berglas Effect criteria mentioned earlier in this article. It does have the drawback of the magician stopping the spectator counting the cards for e.g. 30 seconds during the trick.

A Final 100 Funny Facebook Pages to ‘Like’

July 13, 2011

This is my third and final list of 100 Facebook fan pages that I find funny (click on any page’s name and it will take you to that Facebook page)

1. That awkward moment when someone at NASA says “It’s not rocket science”

2. Naming your iPod “The Titanic” so it says “The Titanic is syncing.”

3. Those, “we shall never speak of this again…” moments

4. I’d run for my life if there’s a big fire at school. Not line up quietly.

5. Don’t let people push you around. Unless it’s in a wagon or something, because that could be fun.

6. if permanent marker was actually permanent, we’d all be screwed

7. “Baby On Board” Oh well I WAS going to ram your car but now I guess not…

8. The moment of doubt when walking through a metal dectector at the airport

9. “Lets all go clubbing!…” ” Yay, I Hate Seals!” “Wait… What?”

10. I knew jk meant just kidding. LOL jk I thought it meant joke.

 11. Don’t tease fat kids, they have enough on their plates

12. doing the “im thinking real hard face” when the teachers looks at you

13. Holding your cat in the air whilst singing songs from The Lion King

14. www.fa –> ahhh internet, you know me so well 😉

15. that awkward moment when you dont know if you should hug someone or not

16. Awkwardly walking in the same direction after saying goodbye

17. Mom says “Alchohol is your enemy”… Jesus says “Love your enemy”

18. Deliberately avoiding eye contact with the teacher so they won’t pick you

19. oooooo text message, nope just my leg randomly vibrating?

20. Putting “le” in front of a word makes it french

21. Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

22. ‘I got arrested in town the other day’ ‘Why?’ ‘Possession of guns’ *Flexes*

23. Checking your symptoms on Google and accepting you’re going to die.

24. Pulling out gum in school is like pulling out crack in a rehab center.

25. What is the point of a white crayon?

26. 6 million sperm and u were the fastest?….

27. Checking the fridge every ten minutes to see if any food magically appeared

28. Friends are like trees. They fall down if you hit them with an axe.

29. If you tailgate me, I will intentionally slow down to piss you off.

30. I don’t care if they taste the same, a certain colour M&M just tastes better!!

31. Trying to delete useless characters in a text to make it under 160

32. “There are lots of weirdos out there.” ” Mom, i know. They’re my friends”

33. Woah, Bob the Builder and Barack Obama have the same catchphrase!

34. paper beats rock? ok,i’ll throw a rock at u & u defend urseself with paper

35. When buying a fake ID the decision is between McLovin and Muhammad

36. I Want To Die Peacefully Like My Grandpa, Not Screaming Like His Passengers

37. Your the reason why i wake up in the morning… LOL jk its coz of my alarm

38. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.

39. that awkward moment when you can’t tell if a persons a boy or a girl.

40. “Press any key to continue, where’s the any key?” – Homer Simpson

41. If it wasn’t for synonyms on Microsoft Word, my essays would be crap.

42. I’m so good at sleep, I can do it with my eyes closed

43. growing your beard during exams to seek extra wisdom

44. Accepting the terms and conditions because that’s the only way to continue

45. Pardon me, Sir Gangster? Your trousers are descending.

46. The awkwardness of Nigeria vs Germany and the scoreboard says Nig-Ger.

47. ok, either my fb chat has broken or your writing me an essay

48. Not smiling in photos because you’re a complete badass.

49. I did my homework , LOL jk Google did!

50. I have amnesia.. LOL jk I have amnesia

51. “It’s not illegal, just frowned upon like masterbating on an airplane.”

52. Ever Notice you Never See Me or Superman at the same time?

53. Today my friend David lost his ID. Now we just call him Dav.

54. Good Grades, Enough Sleep, or a Social Life… Pick any two.

55. Dumping your girlfriend via powerpoint presentation

56. Dumping your girlfriend via Hangman

57. Sitting in the cinema, comfy then BOOM. human giraffe sits in front of you

58. Math. The only place where people buy 60 watermelons and no one wonders why

59. IM nO+ @ L1ttle TrYY|-|@rD l0L JK 1 Wr1t3 l1k3 th15

60. Do headphones just tie themselves in knots while we’re not looking?

61. stop microwave with 1 second to go……………….. feel like a bomb defuser

62. Stop complaining about our generation… Your generation raised us.

63. doesanyoneknowwhatthelongbuttonatthebottomofthekeyboardisfor???

64. How can I look it up in the dictionary if I don’t know how to spell it?!

65. The embarassing couple of seconds when automatic doors wont open for you

66. Why does the glue not stick to the bottle insidee ?

67. I wanted to send you something sexy but the mail man made me get out

68. Not knowing what to say when someone says “Im so fat”,and they actually are

69. “Yes Officer I did see the Speed Limit sign I just didn’t see YOU”

70. Who else thinks when the Monopoly Man was younger, he was the Pringles guy?

71. Realizing you borrowed the pen you’re sticking in your mouth

72. On a scale of 1 to Voldemort, how badly do you want revenge?

73. On a scale of 1 to Lord of The Rings, how much did you walk today?

74. writing somethin funny in google, then making out you searched there name


75. aint no mountain high enough to keep me from you babe, LOL jk u seen everest?

76. The awkward moment when you realise that Osama Bin Laden made 7 horcruxes

77. The awkward moment when Prince Will Realises Kate has a much hotter sister

78. The awkwardness of standing in an elevator with strangers.

79. Dear Osama, looks like I win, sincerely Where’s Wally

80. The awkward silence when Heidi from The Hills asks you if she looks good

81. Exploring Uranus

82. Stealthily locking your car door when you see someone sketchy

83. Spelling a word so bad that spell check cant even fix it

84. “I used the theasurus” “You signed your name as ‘Baby Kangaroo Tribbiani'”

85. I do something super good.. then i go and show someone, and i suck.

86. If tomatoes are fruit. Then isn’t ketchup technically a smoothie

87. Women’s Tennis: The Blind Man’s Free Porn

88. Osama Bin Laden – Coming soon to a beach near you.

89. Put blue Gatorade in a Windex bottle and drink that shit in public

90. Wearing your batman cape under your clothes just incase shit goes down.

91. Dumping your girlfriend via interperative dance.

92. Filling up $20.02 of petrol = winning, filling to $20.03 = rookie mistake

93. That mysterious toothbrush in the bathroom that nobody in your family uses.

94. Pretending to care about a teacher’s personal life, to waste time in class.

95.   The awkward moment when the anti-piracy ad assumes you wouldnt steal a car.

96. AS A CHILD I NEVER GOT MY PEN LICENCE, THUS BEGAN MY CRIMINAL CAREER

97. I went outside once…The graphics were alright, but the gameplay sucked.

98. Where’s Kanye when my parents are giving me a long ass speech?

99. I’m Nice To The Weird Kid, So He Will Spare My Life When He Snaps

and finally, number 100. i once had a life … then some idiot came and told me to make a face book

Thanks for reading my third and final list of 100 funny Facebook like pages.

 

‘The 100 Funniest Facebook Pages of 2014’ can be found here:

https://somerandomstuff1.wordpress.com/2014/01/12/the-100-funniest-facebook-pages-of-2014/

My first list of 100 Funny Facebook Pages to ‘Like’ can be found here: https://somerandomstuff1.wordpress.com/2010/05/03/100-funny-facebook-pages-to-like/

My second list of 100 funny Facebook pages can be found here: https://somerandomstuff1.wordpress.com/2010/12/14/another-100-funny-facebook-like-pages/

Chooka Parker

June 2, 2011

Chooka Parker

Chooka James Parker (formerly Ethan James Parker) is a recently turned 17 year old who has amassed a cult like following. He’s gained over 1 million youtube views, has moved the masses to tears and has single-handedly caused a paradigm shift in the field of classical piano. All of this on the back of a single performance on the TV show ‘Australia’s Got Talent.’ Behind the scenes and beneath the moustache, who is the enigmatic child that is Chooka?

Chooka is a product of the diminutive country town of Red Lion, Victoria. With a population of a shade over 300, this appears to be one of those secluded communities that house a population sign that is updated when a local ventures off into the metropolis. Chooka’s prestigious talent will inevitably cause him to ‘minus one’ from Red Lion’s welcome sign as he likely performs on the world stage. As Chooka exclaimed at his ‘Australia’s Got Talent’ maiden performance, pertaining to his home town, “It’s just got an old pub there. Someone’s using it as a house now.”

The name ‘Chooka’ will have the people at the syntax department of the Oxford English Dictionary fuming. Formerly Ethan, this farmhand states “When I was about eleven I think, I wanted to farm a million chooks, so some old lady decided to call me ‘Chooka.’” Chooka was homeschooled and is a fine advertisement of the potential benefits of being raised with no TV or internet. After spending hours working on his family’s farm, he retires to his piano each evening as a leisure activity- A refreshing change from pushy parent syndrome producing musical child prodigies.

His crescent moustache hovers ominously above his upper lip like digits poised aloft a toothy piano. Chooka’s skin radiates with a varnished porcelain veneer, dusky from a lifetime of labour beneath the punishing Australian sun. Stubble, perhaps with more of a semblance to bumfluff, protrudes from his sculptured chin line. An oversized charcoal-black akubra permanently casts a thick shadow across his eyeline, perpetuating this eccentric’s enigmatic expression. Beneath its brim, copper locks cascade freely with a similar texture and entanglement to the fleece that Chooka effortlessly sheers from his family’s sheep. He often sports flannelette or vanilla shirts with elaborate collars reminiscent of the bard. With an exaggerated Aussie country accent, his vernacular is littered with colloquialisms.

When Chooka lopes towards a piano, one senses that two negative magnet ends will rashly repel. As his posterior clunks down onto a wooden frame, his shoulders synchronically arc forward. As his calloused fingertips contact the basswood keys initially, first time Chooka listeners will inevitably cringe until the spectrum of notes in an unbridled manner are released into the heavens. Temporarily, despite the verisimilitude, one ponders whether a Bach CD is releasing such angelic sounds. After marvelling at Chooka’s poetic and spontaneous fingers, the situation becomes vivid- The contradictions, the broken stereotypes, the uniqueness, the impulsiveness. They all amount to a melodic nirvana. With the passion of an Italian footballer, the dissidence of Che Guevara, the incongruousness of a square circle and the aesthetics of a Goddess- Chooka plays the piano.

Piano child prodigies are sparse yet Chooka is a rare breed even within the prodigy cohort. He states, “What I like to do is just make it all up on the spot, play what I feel.” This is doubly impressive as Chooka taught himself to play the piano and read music. “Dad used to teach me drums on an old paint tin. So I’ve always been tapping and Dad eventually said ‘we’ve got to do something about that.’ We bought a piano and I started tapping on the piano and that’s how I learnt piano.” Chooka only plays original pieces and never repeats a performance- some of the greatest compositions ever performed will never be heard again. Despite this, every eclectic yet well-ordered note, every bar that was never written down and each song shall be immortalised in the pantheon of the gods.

Chooka’s occa exterior masquerades a gentle soul, released into the world through the medium for which he will soon be famous. He resembles a morphed product of the fictitious Indiana Jones and a youthful Tom Selleck. This moustached maestro is nonchalant, unassuming and as down to earth as his unpolished boots. As Chooka begins his craft, a chiselled Rodin creation transforms into an animate flame.

The deep iceberg that is Chooka is yet to be fully understood- such is his hasty impression on the public scene however peculiar personal anecdotes have already garnered attention. For instance, after cleaning a companion’s house, Chooka was offered an object remaining within the abode- Chooka chose a Mozart CD. It was 2 years before he obtained a CD player to listen to the CD. He now boasts a collection of hundreds of classical CDs. His recent performance on TV show ‘Australia’s Got Talent’ was his virgin stage performance. He had mainly performed for his family in the past and had only been busking a handful on times in his miniscule town. His family had to borrow a TV to watch Chooka’s audition on the premier episode and as soon as his performance show had concluded, the family reverted back to their standard routine of listening to Chooka manifest music in person.

A literal interpretation of the ultimate line in Frank O’Hara’s ‘The Day Lady Died’ sums up Chooka the best. Chooka… “Whispered a song along the keyboard… and everyone and I stopped breathing.”

Chooka’s first public performance can be viewed below:

Another 100 Funny Facebook ‘Like’ Pages

December 14, 2010

These are another 100 Facebook ‘like’ pages that I find funny     (click on any page’s name and it will take you to that Facebook page)

1. My mum thinks ‘lol’ means ‘Lots of Love’. She texted me: ‘Our dog died LOL’

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                2. “We now live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               3. Last year 4,153,237 ppl got married but shouldn’t that be an even number?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 4. Harry Potter’s a little unrealistic, I mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?!?!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  5. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               6. Dear Mr underccover police car, i like your 5 extra antennas 😉

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               7. Dear algebra, stop making me find your X! She’s not coming back…

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               8. Dear Iceberg, heard about global warming, karma’s a bitch. from Titanic

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               9. Looking at someones claimed doppleganger and thinking “you wish”.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             10. on a scale of 1 to Spencer Pratt, how crazy was that?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               11.  When i die don’t write “R.I.P” on my grave… write “B.R.B”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            12.  neighbours are ok unless they have passwords on thier wireless internet

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             13.  saying “You Had to be There” when you realize your story really isn’t funny

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                14.  Mario is actively encouraging children to take psychotropic mushrooms.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            15.  No wonder Justin Bieber’s so pale, there’s no sun in the closet

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              16.  Stroking my beard while pondering the mysteries of the universe    

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              17.  Friends are like potatoes… If you eat them, they die

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            18.  The awkwardness when a woman doesn’t choose the iron in a game of monopoly

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            19.  What do you call a man who joins pages about girls making sandwiches? Single.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             20.  I Put The Wrong Date On Papers So My Teachers Dont Know I Did It Last Night

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            21.  I’d kill for the download speed the girl on the piracy advert gets

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            22.  Saying random numbers when someone is counting to make them lose count 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            23.  “We can still be friends” is like saying “Hey, the dog died but we can keep it”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             24.  “What Does IDK Stand For” “I Don’t Know” “OMG Nobody Knows”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             25.  ‘Hey, what time is it?’ ‘Time to get a watch’ ‘Time to get a better joke’

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            26.  Naming your car and referring to it as a person

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                27.  I just realized immature spells I’m mature.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              28.  seeing an old pic of urself & wondering why i was let out of the house

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            29.  Of all the fishes in the sea, you had to pick a whale..? :\

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             30.  University – Working hard 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, 2 weeks a year

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             31.  THE WALK OF SHAME when u throw a paper at the garbage can and miss. . .

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             32.  Using a window as a mirror then realising there’s someone on the other side

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             33.  WHEN I READ CAPITALS, THERE IS A SHOUTING VOICE IN MY HEAD

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            34.  Dear Buffy. We have a new assignment for you. His name is Edward.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              35.  I love it when someone’s laugh is funnier than the joke

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            36.  theres a fine line between tan, and looking like you rolled in doritos

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             37.  That one friend that walks into your house like its their home

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            38.  I’ve Always Wanted to Spin Round in a Chair & Say “I’ve Been Expecting You.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              39.  TO A.L.C.O.H.O.L. THE CAUSE OF–AND SOLUTION TO ALL OF LIFE’S PROBLEMS

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            40.  Who ever invented the “copy and paste” has saved many hours of my life.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            41.  you only live once, LOL jks, I’m a cat.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             42.  HAPPY BITHDAY QUEEN! lol jks.. thanks for the day offf

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            43.  Imma let you finish.. LOL jks, I’m Kanye West

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            44.  Here’s a gift of a wooden horse, LOL jks, im going to destroy your city

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            45.  This LOL jks thing has gone way too far…….. LOL Jk, its just beginning

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            46.  SHARK!! everyone get out the water! LOL JKS.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            47.  COD is the best game in the world, lol jks ever played mathletics?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            48.  ewwww its a dead zebra…LOL JK I’m Bear Grylls gobblegobblegobble

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            49.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY!…aww you remembered?…ofcourse!, LOL JK Facebook told me.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 50.  IM RIDING SOLOOO, LOL jks my mums driving us.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            51.  “Hi, Can I help you?” “No, I just waited in line for 15 minutes to say hi.”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            52. the point where it is too late to ask what someones name is

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             53.  As a child I always wondered if the light in the fridge ever turned off.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             54.  Dear Noah, We could have sworn you said the ark wasn’t leaving till 5. Sincerely, Unicorns.                                                                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                55. I intend to live forever. So far, so good. 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               56.  My mind was blown when i found out “lol” looks like a drowning man!!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            57.  I Never Finish My Eraser Because It Is Either Stolen,Lost,or Cut In Half

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            58.  You never see an Asian hobo.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            59.  I’m pretty sure i paid for a bag of chips, not half a bag of air

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           60.  I hate it when I cant figure out which side of the blanket is the long side

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            61.  At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                62.  ‘How old are you McLovin?’ ‘Old enough..’ ‘Old enough for what?’ ‘To party’

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            63.  the awkward moment when your unsure if someone is a girl or a boy

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               64.  Dear Voldemort, they screwed up your nose too? Sincerely, Michael Jackson

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            65.  Let’s yahoo it. LOL jk google that  sh*t! : D

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            66.  The awkward moment created when you go for a hug and they go for a kiss.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           67.  The awkward moment when you yell “Slut” and every girl looks

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            68.  The awkward moment when you realize your girlfriend is doing Movember too

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            69.  That awkward moment when you get in the van and there’s no candy.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            70.  The awkward moment when an emo kid orders a Happy Meal from maccas

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             71.  The awkward moment when you know more than the sex ed teacher

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           72.   “The awkward moment when you yell out COD during sex instead of her name”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           73.  I wonder if Tom (the myspace guy) has a facebook?!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            74.  I don’t care if your son is 3, I’m not giving up this swing. Thanks.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             75.  When I Play Fighting Games I Press Random Buttons And Hope For The Best

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           76.  Dear Encyclopedia, Hahahahahahaha. Sincerely, Wikipedia

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            77.  I run away when I press a toy at a store and realize it wont stop making a noise

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            78.  Wouldn’t it be ironic if you choked on a life saver

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            79.  If you say gullible REALLY SLOWLY, it sounds like oranges

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              80.  Hi I’m Troy McClure. You’re reading this in my voice

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            81.  111 111 111 x 111 111 111 = 12345678987654321 …Mind. Blown.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             82.  We only need 5,000,000 guys to join to vote Justin Bieber out of our gender

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            83.  Move out of the way children I’ve been waiting 11 years to see Toy Story 3

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            84.   I was owning on mario cart, then i realised i wasnt the top screen….

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            85.  When the old peoples’ items on antiques roadshow are worth nothing

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            86.  That awkward moment when santa has the same wrapping paper as your mum

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              87.  A man is dying of Cancer. His son asked him: “Dad, why do you keep telling people you are dying of AIDS?” Dad: “So when I’m dead, no one will dare touch your mom”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            88.  Spazzing when you press play on your ip0d not knowing its on full volume

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               89.  Being Unsure If You Should Believe The Answer Some One Wrote In The Book…

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           90.  That one friend we all have who will get naked for no reason

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                91.  “I can’t believe it’s not butter!” … It’s not? What the hell is it then?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             92.  I Have Also Slept With Tiger Woods

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            93.  People who investigate strange noises in horror movies deserve to die

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            94.  Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             95.  When we were little,Why were we so scared of our parents counting to three?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             96.  My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           97.  The irony of not being able to open a pack of much-needed scissors.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            98.  The police never think it’s as funny as you do.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             99.  Loading ████████████ 99% … Failed . OMG . >: (

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           And finally, number 100. I like too many pages because their title makes me go, “That’s so true!”

Thanks for reading my second list of  100 funny Facebook ‘like’ pages.

 

                                                                                                                                                                               ‘The Funniest Facebook Pages of 2014′ can be found here: https://somerandomstuff1.wordpress.com/2014/01/12/the-100-funniest-facebook-pages-of-2014/

My first list of ‘100 Funny Facebook Pages to ‘Like’ can be found here: https://somerandomstuff1.wordpress.com/2010/05/03/100-funny-facebook-pages-to-like/ 

My third and final list of 100 funny Facebook pages can be found here: https://somerandomstuff1.wordpress.com/2011/07/13/a-final-100-funny-facebook-pages-to-%e2%80%98like%e2%80%99/