A Puzzle a Day Blog

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I have started another blog called ‘A Puzzle a Day’ and it can be found here: http://puzzleaday.wordpress.com/

Each day I’m going to be posting a new puzzle, riddle, game or interesting tidbit so make sure to follow for daily email updates. So far I’ve posted:

  • A game to test your skills at noticing when a painting is hung slightly askew or a straight line isn’t straight.
  • A simple number game to test if your memory is better than a chimp.
  • A letter sequence puzzle that children may perform better at than adults.
  • A missing money puzzle that will delight and confabulate your friends.
  • A question asking how many folds will a piece of paper require to be as thick as the universe- find out the surprising answer!

I will continue this blog and its sporadic and more detailed, unabridged entries but be sure to check out A Puzzle a Day here: http://puzzleaday.wordpress.com/

 

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The World’s Greatest Literary Quotes

literary quotes pic

I present a selection of my personal favourite quotes that I’ve been lucky enough to encounter across my life. I should stipulate that when it comes to quotes, they are often wrongly attributed, paraphrased or mistranslated but nonetheless, I have attempted to portray these quotes as accurately as possible. The quotes are ordered alphabetically by the supposed authors’ surname.

 

“Give me but a firm spot on which to stand, and I shall move the earth.” – Archimedes

 

“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” – Aristotle

 

“I’d been painting rats for three years before someone said ‘that’s clever it’s an anagram of art’ and I had to pretend I’d known that all along.” – Banksy

 

“The greatest crimes in the world are not committed by people breaking the rules but by people following the rules. It’s people who follow orders that drop bombs and massacre villages.” – Banksy

 

“An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.” – Niels Bohr

 

“In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.” – Albert Camus

 

“The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.” – Albert Camus

 

“When you have once seen the glow of happiness on the face of a beloved person, you know that a man can have no vocation but to awaken that light on the faces surrounding him; and you are torn by the thought of the unhappiness and night you cast, by the mere fact of living, in the hearts you encounter.” – Albert Camus

 

“An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself.” – Albert Camus

 

“The gods had condemned Sisyphus to ceaselessly rolling a rock to the top of a mountain, whence the stone would fall back of its own weight. They had thought with some reason that there is no more dreadful punishment than futile and hopeless labor.” – Albert Camus

 

“It’s a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn’t want to hear.” – Dick Cavett 

 

“If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it. A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.” – Roald Dahl

 

“The first man to compare the cheeks of a young woman to a rose was obviously a poet; the first to repeat it was possibly an idiot.” – Salvador Dali

 

“The awful thing is that beauty is mysterious as well as terrible. God and the devil are fighting there and the battlefield is the heart of man.” – Fyodor Dostoyevsky

 

“No one has ever become poor by giving.” – Anne Frank

 

“Washing one’s hands of the conflict between the powerful and the powerless means to side with the powerful, not to be neutral.” – Paulo Freire

 

“A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they will never sit in.” – Greek proverb

 

“It was like when you make a move in chess and just as you take your finger off the piece, you see the mistake you’ve made, and there’s this panic because you don’t know yet the scale of disaster you’ve left yourself open to.” – Kazuo Ishiguro

 

“If I were to wish for anything, I should not wish for wealth and power, but for the passionate sense of the potential, for the eye which, ever young and ardent, sees the possible. Pleasure disappoints possibility never. And what wine is so sparkling, what so fragrant, what so intoxicating, as possibility!” – Soren Kierkegaard

 

“If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster, And treat those two impostors just the same.” – Rudyard Kipling

 

“No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.” – Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

 

“The Perfect Way is only difficult for those who pick and choose; Do not like, do not dislike; all will then be clear. Make a hairbreadth difference, and Heaven and Earth are set apart; If you want the truth to stand clear before you, never be for or against. The struggle between ‘for’ and ‘against’ is the mind’s worst disease.” – Bruce Lee

 

“Do not be angry with the rain; it simply does not know how to fall upwards.” – Vladimir Nabokov

 

“You get a strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place. Like you’ll not only miss the people you love but you’ll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you’ll never be this way ever again.” – Azar Nafisi

 

“The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

 

“When a hundred men stand together, each of them loses his mind and gets another one.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

 

“Please, don’t destroy people’s lies, their illusions, because if you destroy their illusions they will not be able to live at all; they will collapse.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

 

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.” – Anais Nin

 

“It took me four years to paint like Raphael, but a lifetime to paint like a child.” – Pablo Picasso

 

“Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.” – Pablo Picasso

 

“Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swamps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists.. it is real.. it is possible.. it’s yours.” – Ayn Rand

 

“Freedom (n.): To ask nothing. To expect nothing. To depend on nothing.” – Ayn Rand

 

“If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.” – J. K. Rowling

 

“There will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right.” – J. K. Rowling

 

“I am always saying “Glad to’ve met you” to somebody I’m not at all glad I met. If you want to stay alive, you have to say that stuff, though.” – J. D. Salinger

 

“Do you think that I count the days? There is only one day left, always starting over: it is given to us at dawn and taken away from us at dusk.” – Jean-Paul Sartre

 

“Freedom is what we do with what is done to us.” – Jean-Paul Sartre

 

“Man can will nothing unless he has first understood that he must count on no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth.” – Jean-Paul Sartre

 

“If you are lonely when you’re alone, you are in bad company.” – Jean-Paul Sartre

 

“Everything has been figured out, except how to live.” – Jean-Paul Sartre

 

“It’s the well-behaved children that make the most formidable revolutionaries. They don’t say a word, they don’t hide under the table, they eat only one piece of chocolate at a time. But later on, they make society pay dearly.” – Jean-Paul Sartre

 

“I am no longer sure of anything. If I satiate my desires, I sin but I deliver myself from them; if I refuse to satisfy them, they infect the whole soul.” – Jean-Paul Sartre

 

“Who steals my purse steals trash…But he that filches from me my good name, Robs me of that which not enriches him, And makes me poor indeed.” – William Shakespeare

 

“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” – George Bernard Shaw

 

“If only it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?” – Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn      

 

“You only have power over people so long as you don’t take everything away from them. But when you’ve robbed a man of everything he’s no longer in your power — he’s free again.” – Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

 

“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.” – Henry David Thoreau

 

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” – Leo Tolstoy

 

“I think… if it is true that there are as many minds as there are heads, then there are as many kinds of love as there are hearts.” – Leo Tolstoy

 

“You are to yourself what your thoughts are, you are to others what your actions are.” – Unknown

 

“Arguing with idiots is like playing chess with a pigeon; no matter how good you are at chess the pigeon is just going to knock over the pieces, crap on the board and strut around like it’s victorious.” – Unknown

 

“You’re a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made from stardust, riding a rock, hurtling through space. Fear nothing.” – Unknown

 

“To turn an F grade into a B grade only takes a bit of ingenuity, hard work, penmanship and the hand-eye coordination to curve the F into a B.” – Unknown

 

“Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.” – Unknown

 

“Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.” – Voltaire

 

“Worry is a misuse of imagination.” – Dan Zadra

 

“Books are mirrors: you only see in them what you already have inside you.” – Carlos Ruiz Zafón

 

 

 

 

After Second Failed Castalloy Dig- Is Phipps Responsible for Beaumont Children Disappearance?

The 3 Beaumont Children

 

On a scorching Australia Day in 1966, the three Beaumont siblings- Jane (9), Arnna (7) and Grant (4) frequented Glenelg Beach, Adelaide. Their subsequent and mysterious disappearance still lingers as one of Australia’s most famous missing people cases. It provoked a paradigm shift across the country regarding children’s safety and the new necessity for parents to accompany youngsters. Such is the rarity of three children vanishing that criminologist Xanthe Mallett has said “I haven’t been able to find another case where three children are never to be seen again in the westernised world.”

S.A. Major Crimes Superintendent, Des Bray, has emphasised the sheer number of proposed suspects in this case over the years, estimating it to be over 100- thought to be a record for a South Australian crime. The Beaumont case has potentially an unparalleled suspect number for any Australian criminal offense. Police have recently labelled Harry Phipps, former owner of the Castalloy factory, as a person of interest in the Beaumont disappearance. A recent second dig at this factory failed to find any trace of the Beaumont children. This article will examine the evidence regarding Harry Phipps being responsible for the Beaumont children disappearance.

 

Timeline

Let me precede this section by mentioning that the Beaumont children’s movement on January 26th 1966 is based upon witnesses who believed they saw them that fateful day. There are several permutations regarding the children’s precise movements, including a postman who recognised them yet seem bamboozled by what time this was at. It may have also been difficult for the many witnesses to pinpoint the precise time they saw the Beaumont children when questioned days later.

Glenelg Map

A. On the above image, ‘A’ is the bus stop where the Beaumont children arrived at around 10:15am. They had departed their Somerton Park home with their mother, Nancy, farewelling them there.

B. Between 10:15-11am, the children swum in the shallow water just north of the jetty and beneath the B on the above image. The previous day, Jim Beaumont (the children’s father) had accompanied them to the beach.

C. There is some contention online regarding precisely where the children were seen around 11am. At this time, they played under a sprinkler at Colley Reserve. Location C is where modern day Colley Reserve is.

D. There are two location Ds on the image. One of these may be where the children played under the sprinkler. The witness was sitting in front of the now non-existent, Holdfast Sailing Club building. Historically, Colley Reserve was the entire grassed area north of the jetty, including the grassed sea frontage. The children were seen with a mysterious man who has become the leading suspect as the Beaumont abductor. Initially the man was described as lying face down and watching the children. Around 15 minutes later, the man was viewed playing with the children as they whipped each other with their towels. A school friend of Jane saw her around this time (11:15am).

E. This is Wenzel’s cake shop where the Beaumont children bought pasties, a pie and drinks around 11:45-midday. They seemed to be alone inside the shop.

F. This is the bus stop where the Beaumont children were scheduled to take the midday bus from.

G. At around midday, the mysterious man with the three Beaumont children behind him, approached an elderly couple and two others on a bench. He said some money was missing and enquired as to whether anyone had witnessed someone going through his clothes. The man then returned to where his clothes were positioned and dressed the Beaumont children- their clothes over their bathers. The man then proceeded to go to the Colley Reserve change rooms around 12:15pm while the three children waited for him on a nearby seat. This was the last documented siting of the Beaumont children.

 Some historical aerial pictures of Glenelg from a time around the Beaumont disappearance can be found here: http://memorybank.atkins.com.au/galleries/ddariansmith/glenelg-aerial

 

Family allegations

The son of Harry Phipps- Haydn Phipps made many allegations against his father. Haydn passed away several years ago and was understandably mentally fragile when discussing the previous events of his life. He also battled drug and alcohol addiction in tandem with mental health issues. Some have questioned the veracity of Haydn’s claims believing them to be concocted due to being estranged from his father and seeking revenge. According to former SA detective, Bill Hayes, Haydn had a fear of authorities so didn’t want to speak to the police about his father. Haydn did however tell his second wife about Harry Phipps’ seedy life. Haydn also told someone he worked with around 1980-1981 about his father. These dated conversations add to the truthfulness of Haydn’s claims.

Haydn has made some stunning claims against his father that centre around the Beaumont children. These claims do however lack consistency as I will detail here.

Haydn’s son, Nick has said “He (Harry) was witnessing my (Nick’s) grandfather putting them (the Beaumont children) into the back of a car. Three of them. They went to Castalloy and were killed there.”

On ‘Today Tonight Beaumont Detective’, someone who is relaying Haydn’s story says “He was (Haydn) out in the backyard, by himself later, later in the afternoon. He saw Harry- that was his father, pull up in his big limousine and three children got out of the car. They followed Harry into the house. That was the last he (Haydn) saw of them.”

In ‘Today Tonight Beaumont Bombshell’, according to Haydn “Three children came into the yard and spoke to the father. They subsequently went inside the house. He (the son) felt they were in there for probably 15 to 20 minutes. Then the father came out and loaded some more bags into the car and left. The son went into the house and the 3 children he had seen weren’t there.”

According to ‘The Satin Man’ author, Alan Whiticker, Haydn said “Phipps’ factory had a number of cottages available where Phipps kept his satin dresses and other paraphernalia for his sexual habits and the children were subdued there and buried there.”

On another occasion, what Haydn has said is being recalled, “Haydn was a schoolchild and had come home early from his part-time job. He was in a cubby out the backyard, having a sly smoke- he was about 14 in those days….He saw the three children come into the yard and speak to his father who that time was loading some stuff into a car. The children went inside the house with his (Haydn’s) father and were there for some short time. The father came out and continued to load stuff into his car and left. He (Haydn) then went inside the house and found the children not there and the front door was open.….He (Harry) had fetishes such as satin. If he handled satin he would become incredibly sexually aroused, uncontrollably aroused. This particular day he was seen, we believe he was loading satin clothing into the boot of his car, to take to the place at the factory where he would store that.”

In 2008, Haydn told former SA detective, Bill Hayes that he had seen the Beaumont children enter the house just before he heard four gunshots. In this iteration of the story, Haydn was with some friends in the backyard cubby house. What is peculiar is the method in which Haydn brought up the gunshot story. When getting interview, Haydn was asked “Did you hear any noises, any screaming or any shouting?” Haydn responded “No.” He was then asked if he heard “any gunshots?” Haydn responds “Yeah, we heard some gunshots go off but Harry’s always letting off gunshots- that means nothing.” The interviewer then probes, “You don’t think it’s odd with kids in the house there’s gunshots going off?” Haydn responded “No, not in that place.”

All of these accounts by Haydn seem to vary. In some, Haydn says the Beaumont children were killed at Castalloy, in others they are shot at Harry Phipps’ house. In certain versions, Haydn is specifically described as home by himself when Harry returns with the Beaumont children while other versions describe friends of Haydn also witnessing the event- raising question over why they didn’t and still haven’t gone to the police with this information. Other tales involve Harry and the Beaumont children arriving in a limousine at his house (a strange event considering how close he lived to the Beaumont children’s last seen location). In other accounts, Haydn only sees the children enter the yard from his hidden view in the cubby house. An anonymous member of the Phipps family has also questioned the cubby house part of the narrative saying “There never was a cubby house on Harry’s property.” The gunshot conversation seems particularly untrustworthy with Haydn answering the “any sounds in the house?” question with a “no” before being probed about gunshots and changing the story. The line of questioning resembles an unreliable leading question or suggestive interrogation methodology.

Haydn initially told his second wife about the Harry Phipps- Beaumont link in a rather nonchalant manner. They were sitting at home and an item came on the TV about the Beaumont children. Haydn casually mentioned to his wife, “I always thought Harry had something to do with it.” This comment seems to suggest Haydn having a plausible alas unlikely theory that Harry Phipps was involved- not the eyewitness account that Haydn would report years later.

As confidently as Haydn claims he saw the Beaumont children on Australia Day 1966 enter his house, he as equally as confidently states they were taken to Castalloy and buried in the sandpit there. This is surely speculation. He doesn’t state that the Castalloy burying site of the Beaumont children is a theory but seamlessly weaves this part of the story onto the end of the supposed eyewitness testimony as factual. Haydn can’t know for sure that Harry Phipps took them there and indeed the specific part of the factory they were buried- it is guesswork but further casts a shadow onto his story, adding weight to the theory that the entire story is concocted. Haydn’s story that the Beaumont children were taken to Castalloy fairly promptly after arriving at Harry Phipps’ house also implies that he took them to the factory during business hours with workers swarming around- a risky manoeuvre.

An anonymous member of the Phipps family has said of Haydn, “He was a delusional man who after a life of hard drinking and drugging is still creating most of this from beyond the grave.” The family member continues on to add that Harry Phipps’ other son, Wayne, “Wasn’t ever abused in anyway by his father.” This second argument regarding Wayne supposedly not being abused by Harry Phipps doesn’t mean that Haydn wasn’t.

Many questions are raised through Haydn’s contradictory testimony although some of Haydn’s descriptions of his father are well supported by evidence from secondary people. For instance, Nick the grandson of Harry, says that Harry tried to shoot him three times.

 

Sexually Abusing Children

Haydn was allegedly subject to sexual abuse by his father from about the age of 4 until the age of 14. At this older age he could physically hurt and overpower his father. When Haydn was 15, the Beaumont children went missing. It is plausible that Harry Phipps wanted to find another outlet to replace the sexual abuse of Haydn he was instigating and hence took the Beaumont children to fulfil this urge of his.

A 14 year old girl known only by the pseudonym ‘Linda’ alleges that Harry Phipps raped her in 1979 in proximity to the Castalloy factory. Linda was recently watching TV and saw an item about Harry Phipps, the Beaumont children and Castalloy- near where she lived at the time and her ears pricked up. She claims to distinctly recognise Harry Phipps and the event in detail including Harry Phipps suddenly changing from charismatic to deviant.

 

One Pound Notes

The mother of the Beaumont children believes she gave Jane eight shillings and sixpence before the children left for the beach. At around midday, the Beaumont children entered Wenzel’s cake shop which was situated on Moseley Street and right next to their bus stop. They bought one meat pie in a separate bag. The Beaumont children also purchased 5 pasties, 6 finger buns and 2 large bottles of soft drink. A shopkeeper who was familiar with the Beaumont children believed they had never purchased a meat pie off him previously. Haydn has also commented that Harry Phipps liked pies (although in Australia they are widely popular). The food was paid for by the Beaumont children with a one pound note. Considering that Nancy didn’t give the children this note, it is likely the man seen on the beach with them supplied it.

A one pound note was considered a reasonably high amount of money in 1966 (equivalent to about $27 Australian dollars in 2018). Harry Phipps was renowned for giving children one pound notes including his son Haydn. The two boys who supposedly dug a hole at Castalloy for Harry Phipps recalled getting paid “handsomely with pound notes.” On the one hand, this penchant of Harry Phipps to dish out one pound notes to children and the Beaumont children’s sudden acquisition of one seems telling. Alternately, any abductor of the Beaumont children could have dangled this amount of money in front of them as a lure.

Another facet regarding the money situation involves the mystery man asking strangers nearby him (in earshot of the Beaumont children) if they had seen anyone going through their clothes and taking any money. He had claimed some money was missing. It is unclear if this event occurred before or after the children visited Wenzel’s cake shop. Perhaps a more plausible scenario than money being stolen by a stranger involves the mysterious man taking Jane’s money that was required by the Beaumont children for a return bus trip and feigning that someone else had stolen it. This would provide a possible reason for the Beaumont children to go to Harry Phipps’ house- to get the right amount of change or for an offer of a car ride back to the Beaumont children’s Somerton Park home. If the mysterious man managed to remove Jane’s money and fake his own money disappearance after the Wenzel’s cake shop visit, he could claim he needed to get some money from his house to pay for the children’s bus fare.

 

Purse

Jane Beaumont carried with her a white clipped money purse on the day of her disappearance. In 2007, Stuart Mullins went to Harry Phipps’ (who was then deceased) home and spoke to his second wife, Elizabeth. When waking around the house, Mullins went with Elizabeth into the basement- a room used by Harry Phipps as a workshop. Sitting on a shelf and described by Mullins as being of “pristine” condition, was a white, clipped purse. Mullins went back the next day and spoke with Elizabeth about the purse. He told Elizabeth that “Jane Beaumont had a very similar purse to this.” Elizabeth responded “No, no, no, no- I bought that at an Op shop last week.” Mullins then asked what the purse was doing down in the basement at which time Elizabeth said “I think you have to leave.” A couple of days later, when the police went to see this purse, it was thrown out.

The purse clue may be one of the strongest hints yet that Harry Phipps was responsible for the Beaumont children’s disappearance. An argument for the purse being highly relevant involves many killers keeping a trophy of their victims such as something the victim had on them when killed. The purse fits this profile perfectly. Also, the pristine condition of the purse- the fact it potentially hadn’t been used since 1966 further supports Harry Phipps’ involvement. Elizabeth disposing of the purse may have been a way to hide Harry Phipps’ guilt. Another aspect explaining why Harry Phipps had only kept the purse and seemingly no other items may involve a theory in the above ‘One Pound Notes’ section. If Harry Phipps had taken Jane’s purse at the beach to remove a means for the Beaumont children to get home (no money for a bus ticket) he may have pocketed the purse and after disposing of the children and the items they were holding, he may have still had Jane’s purse in his pocket and hence decided to keep it.

The arguments portraying this purse as a red-herring involve purses being a fairly common commodity. The Beaumont children were carrying around 17 or so items including bags, clothes, towels and even a book. It is not out of the realms of possibility for a small coincidence to occur and a random house to have a similarly looking item. What would be interesting to find out about is the emptiness of the basement’s shelves. If they were cluttered with lots of junk, like a spare room, then the odds would increase that the purse was just a random piece innocuously owned by someone in the Phipps household at some stage. It would also be interesting to know if many other items in the basement were owned by Elizabeth or if the basement had a distinctly Harry Phipps makeup. The fact that Elizabeth threw it out may be innocent- she didn’t want unnecessary and wrongful attention brought on a not guilty man. It is also possible, albeit unlikely that Mullins misremembered the way the purse looked or concocted the event to further cast suspicions onto Harry Phipps.

 

Harry Phipps’ Location

There is some conjecture over the last known place the Beaumont children were seen- it was one of two places. It was either the bench they were witnessed on, next to the change rooms which was 300 metres away from Harry Phipps’ house. Alternately, it was Wenzel’s cake shop which was also around 300 metres from where Harry Phipps lived. Harry Phipps resided about a 90 second walk away from Colley Reserve and indeed had a direct view of this grassed area from his home. His central location is a key argument for his involvement in the Beaumont disappearance. It is not surprising that no-one saw the Beaumont children on a short walk from their last known whereabouts to Harry Phipps’ home.

beaumontpic.png

The proximity of Harry Phipps’ home to the Glenelg foreshore is emphasised by this photo put out by SA police, showing where the Beaumont children were last seen. Out of the few dozen houses in the background, Harry Phipps’ house is pictured and I have circled it in red. This photo is of modern day Glenelg. The house has since been sold and has new owners.

The witnesses of the mysterious man hanging out with the Beaumont children recalled very astute details about the scene including a white stripe on the man’s bathers and that he was carrying a pair of trousers and towel to the change rooms. They didn’t seem to remember him carrying a bag- perhaps a local would be less likely to bring a bag than someone who drove to the beach.

Before the disappearance, Arnna told her mother than Jane had a boyfriend down at the beach. If indeed the abductor was the ‘boyfriend’ it suggests that this person was frequently at Glenelg- having seen the children on occasions before and this would more likely be a local than someone living further away. Jane was well aware of the risks strangers posed and her parents seemed surprised that she would play with a supposed random man and let him dress her. Jane also brought her book ‘Little Women’ to the beach with her that day, despite it being a 5 minute bus drive and only a planned two hour outing. It is possible she wanted to impress someone that day hence brought the book.

The Beaumont children bought two large bottles of soft drink from Wenzel’s cake shop. It was not clear if they intended to take these home- their mother may have found it suspicious if they brought home so much food and drink with the small amount of money she gave them. Another scenario for the large soft drink bottles may be that the children intended to drink them at Harry Phipps’ home out of glasses. If Harry Phipps was responsible for the children’s disappearance, it’s likely that those working at Wenzel’s cake shop would recognise him hence he decided not to be seen there with the children.

A lot of suggested suspects lived close to the beach and indeed it’s plausible that the Beaumont children entered someone’s car under false pretences. Also, someone who was a prominent business person and a well-known local would have likely been spotted and recognised playing with the children at Glenelg that day. Out of the thousands of people to be at Glenelg, only one would have needed to see Harry Phipps and he would have been caught. It would be very risky of him to play with the children in plain view and then abduct them. For none of the neighbours to spot the children entering his house was another facet for Harry Phipps’ plan to work.

 

Identikit

Beaumont Suspect sketch300118genbeaumont1.JPG

 

Above is the identikit drawn of the man seen with the Beaumont children and a photo of Harry Phipps. Witnesses described the man seen playing with the Beaumont children as around 6 foot one, being of lean stature, having fair but sightly tanned skin, with blonde hair and a thin face. His estimated age was mid-thirties. An identikit was drawn up of the man however there are some problems with this drawing. Firstly, the artist was drunk at the time and had to rush the sketch due to a time deadline. Secondly, identikits are renowned for being of low accuracy. Most people after incidentally seeing someone can’t describe what they look like accurately. Also the asking methods typically used by the sketch artists such as “did they have a big nose or small nose” inevitably lead to a mishmash of features. All of the main suspects in the Beaumont disappearance have by some observers been labelled as a physically accurate fit of the Beaumont abductor- such is the common lack of usefulness of identikits.

Harry Phipps was a relatively tall man around 6 foot one and did have light brown hair in 1966 and a thin face. His birthdate of the 1st of July 1917 made him 48 years of age at the time of the Beaumont disappearance. Those that knew Harry Phipps at this time claim he looked a lot younger than his 48 years. This age discrepancy leaves a question mark next to Harry Phipps being the possible abductor- a 48 year old having to look around 35.

 

The Castalloy Hole

Two brothers aged 15 and 17 at the time lived nearby the Castalloy factory in 1966 and their Dad worked for Harry Phipps as a contractor tradie. They were asked by a man driving an American style car (Harry Phipps drove such a car) to dig a hole at the Castalloy factory. This raised some suspicions at the time by the boys but they never linked the event in with the Beaumont case. The boys when watching TV show Today Tonight around 5 years ago, post hoc, determined the man as Harry Phipps. This was almost 50 years after the event hence their recollection is understandably hazy although certain details of the hole digging process still stood out to the boys.

An excavation haphazardly occurred at a different part of the factory grounds by police several years ago at a place where a small disturbance was detected however this amounted to nothing. Between the 4th and the 7th of January 2018, specialised and modern ERT testing was used to probe the soil to determine where the hole may have been that the boys’ dug. An area was found that matched the approximate location the boys gave and had similar dimensions- both of which were grave like. SA Major Crimes Superintendent Des Bray said “that analysis (of the ERT testing data) identified a small anomaly in the middle of the block, consistent with where the brothers said they dug.” A subsequent excavation of this area by police on the 2nd of February 2018 yielded no trace of the Beaumont children, only some bones thought to be from a large animal.

It is possible the police excavated an area that was not the hole the two brothers’ dug. It is also plausible that the two boys dug the hole at Harry Phipps’ request (if it was indeed Harry Phipps who was the one who asked for it and not another man) and he didn’t use it to dispose of the Beaumont children, instead using another method to dispose of the bodies.

One of the boys when recently recalling the dig said “It was a weekend, it was extremely hot and was just before we went back to school.” A voice over from the same interview then says “The Beaumont children disappeared on Wednesday the 26th. He isn’t sure but thinks they carried out the dig on the following weekend which was when the Australia Day holiday was celebrated and the Castalloy plant deserted.” I found the archived temperatures of the supposed dig days in 1966 and they seem to contradict the boys’ memory of the occasion. The maximum temperatures on the weekend of the supposed dig were: 26.7°C and 20.6°C. The next weekend (the 5th and 6th February) temperatures were 23.2°C and 28.1°C. The 12th and 13th of February weekend was 27.8°C and 25.1°C. These are hardly “extremely hot” temperatures and indeed after the hot few days preceding the supposed dig, the weekend of the 28th and 29th of January temperatures are more indicative of a cool change. The boys recalled the date being a weekend due to the factory being void of workers- they worried that if their hole collapsed, no-one would be there to help them.

I believe the hole the boys dug was likely dug at a date significantly distant to the media’s projected 28th/29th of January 1966 and the boys (now men) have gradually and wrongly convinced themselves of this false date. After watching one of the hole diggers being interviewed on several occasions, the hole date goes from being contentious to definitive.

It is of course still most likely that the boys’ dug a hole somewhere on the Castalloy factory property however the date probably wasn’t near the Beaumont children disappearance and the dimensions of the recently excavated hole matching their remembered dimensions suggest that this hole likely had an innocuous explanation. It should be noted that ‘The Satin Man’ author, Stuart Mullins has stated that Harry Phipps added a metre of fill to some section of the factory grounds around 1970. This likely has an innocent explanation although it’s theoretically possible he may have been providing the gravesite with added protection so as not to be found.

 

Could the Beaumont Abductor Still be Harry Phipps?

Despite the failed Castalloy dig, there is still the possibility that Harry Phipps was the Beaumont children abductor. There was after all a cottage at Castalloy that was deemed out-of-bounds to all staff except Harry Phipps and it is alleged he dressed in satin here which aroused him. He may have taken the Beaumont children to this cottage before disposing of their bodies through another method at the Castalloy site. There was a factory waste area at Castalloy that resembled a sandpit. Part of this particular factory site is now cemented over. Harry Phipps may have dumped the surfboard bags in here containing the Beaumont children and would have hence bypassed the risky manoeuvre of getting people to dig the hole. Another possibility involves the furnace that Harry Phipps had access to on the factory site. Depending on certain factors, this may have been thought of as an easy way to hide all evidence.

Not all information about Harry Phipps has been made public. Several years ago SA police initially had a lukewarm response to his name being suggested as a suspect. In 2017, more evidence may have come to hand as according to S.A. Major Crimes Superintendent Des Bray, “There has been information that has come in and that caused us in 2017 to commence a discreet investigation which we didn’t announce publicly (into Harry Phipps).” In addition to this, former SA detective, Bill Hayes has said “In this particular case we’ve got over 30 coincidences lining up to Mr. Phipps.”

 

Conclusion

Overall, the Beaumont children case contains a high volume of low quality information. There is certainly much circumstantial evidence linking Harry Phipps to the children’s abduction although if another person was now found guilty, lots of the Harry Phipps evidence could be seen as coincidental. If one dismisses Haydn’s claims against his father as concocted, the entire case against Harry Phipps looks fairly weak. This in tandem with the likely innocent explanation of the Castalloy hole seems to put the weight of evidence against Phipps’ involvement.

The surest way to determine Harry Phipps’ status in this crime is to examine the entire Castalloy site, although even then, if he was responsible for the Beaumont children disappearance, the possibility lingers that he disposed of them in some other way or with accomplices. There continues to be an insatiable desire by Australians for this case to be solved, largely to quench long held curiosities, as the offender is likely dead and if alive probably too old to reoffend. The real necessity for this case to be solved is to provide at least some closure for the Beaumont parents.

The 58 Most Bigly Interesting Facts About Donald Trump

Trump
 
1. Trump Tower in New York has 58 floors. Trump claims to live on the 66th-68th floor.

2. As a child, when it was raining, the family chauffer would drive Trump around in a Cadillac to deliver newspapers on Trump’s paper route.

3. In 2012, Trump altered the rules of the Miss Universe pageant to allow transgender people to take part.

4. A TSG review found that Trump may be the least generous billionaire in the USA in terms of giving money to charity. The New Yorker has calculated that he may have given just 5 cents per $100 earnt to charity.

5. Twice a day as President, Trump receives a folder full only of positive news about himself. Each folder contains 20-25 pages of pro-Trump tweets, positive Trump news and photos of Trump looking powerful, with 7-10 people working on providing the President with these folders.

6. Trump once sued author Timothy O’Brien for calling him a millionaire not a billionaire. Ironically, Trump sued O’Brien for $5 billion in damages.

7. Trump was a registered Democrat between the years 2001-2009. He has switched political affiliation at least 5 times since the 1980s.

8. Back to the Future writer, Bob Gale, claims that character Biff Tannen is based upon Donald Trump.

9. During 1999, Trump suggested a one off ‘wealth tax’ entailing individuals worth $10 million or more paying 14.25% in tax. He theorised that this would raise $5.7 trillion and eliminate the American debt.

10. The original Renoir painting ‘Two Sisters’ is housed in the New Art Institute of Chicago. Despite this, Trump believes his copy of this painting is genuine.

Renoir Two Sisters
 
11. If Trump had invested his inherited monetary share of his father’s real-estate company into the Manhattan stock market and then done nothing, he would be richer than he now is.

12. In 2000, Trump ran for President of America, representing the Reform Party. He wanted Oprah Winfrey to be his running mate. Trump won the California and Michigan Reform Party Primaries despite withdrawing from the presidential campaign.

13. In 2015, Trump’s steak company called ‘Trump Steakhouse’ was shut down. Amongst its 51 health code breaches it served 5 month old duck.

14. Trump uses double sided sticky-tape to stop his tie from moving out of place.

15. Trump won a Razzie Award for worst supporting actor in his role in “supernatural sex comedy” movie ‘Ghosts Can’t Do It.’

16. Within ‘Art of the Deal’, Trump claims to have punched his second-grade music teacher in the face causing a black eye with Trump’s motive being that the music teacher didn’t know about music.

17. For the 1988 Presidential election, Trump was considered for the role of running mate of George H. W. Bush. It is claimed that Trump asked to be Bush’s running mate although Trump insists that Bush’s camp approached him with the idea. Dan Quayle eventually won the position.

18. Trump has a self-confessed fear of germs and an alleged fear of stairs.

19. In 1989 and 1990, Trump hosted a cycling race named the Tour de Trump with the goal of making it the American equivalent of the Tour de France. A Dutch brothel sponsored one of the teams in the race. Trump also attempted to shut down the similarly named Tour de Rump cycling race.

Tour de Trump
 
20. Trumps brother, Fred, died from alcoholism and thus Donald doesn’t drink. Donald Trump has also never smoked or consumed illicit drugs. Trump did begin ‘Trump Vodka’ in 2006 however sales floundered and the product was discontinued.

21. Trump has never used an ATM.

22. On one of this golf courses in Virginia, Trump had a plaque made plus a stone pedestal and flag with the monument dedicated to the many “great American soldiers” who died at this location. This River of Blood monument is a fake Civil War construction dedicated to a battle that never happened.

23. For Scientific American Mind, Trump was compared to leaders according to a standardised assessment of psychopathic traits. He scored more than Adolf Hitler.

24. Donald’s uncle, John Trump, developed a type of radiation therapy to be used in the future as a cancer treatment. Upon Tesla’s death, John was the scientist who reviewed Tesla’s work and notes finding them of little value. Conspiracy theorists have suspected Tesla’s notes contained a glut of enterprising inventions including a death ray.

25. According to Forbes, director George Lucas is richer than Donald Trump.

26. In 1990, SPY Magazine sent cheques to well-known Americans in an experiment to see how low the cheque could be before the receiver didn’t cash them. Two of the 58 people cashed the 13 cent cheque- An arms dealer and Donald Trump.

27. Trump claims to have predicted the September 11 attacks in his book ‘The America We Deserve.’

28. Trump believes that the human body has a finite and set amount of energy and that exercising uses up this limited commodity akin to a battery. Trump once warned one of his casino executives against Ironman triathlon training, telling him “You are going to die young because of this.”

29. Donald Trump’s Grandmother had the maiden name ‘Christ.’ Donald’s father also had the middle name ‘Christ.’

30. Trump once tried to trademark his ‘The Apprentice’ catchphrase “You’re fired!” to be used on games. The Trademark was denied as there was already a game called “You’re Hired” and there also existed a Chicago pottery shop called “You’re Fired.”

31. In 1986, Osama Bin Laden’s half-brother stayed at an apartment in Trump Tower, New York and Trump received money from him.

Trump Tower New York
 
32. From 1990 to 2007, Trump donated just $3.7 million to his own charity. In contrast, World Wrestling Entertainment gave more money to Trump’s charity in 2007 alone.

33. Trump thinks that asbestos has “got a bad rap.” He also believes the anti-asbestos movement has only thrived because the mafia are involved in removing asbestos. Despite Trump’s claims the WHO warns that over 100,000 people die every year due to asbestos. Trump also believes the World Trade Center would not have burnt down if the asbestos wasn’t removed from it.

34. Trump sleeps for less than 4 hours per night.

35. Historically, Donald’s family name was changed from Drumpf to Trump.

36. Trump’s grandfather was in charge of a restaurant that was also used as a brothel.

37. In 1989, three executives of Trump’s casinos were killed when a helicopter crashed in New Jersey. Trump supposedly bragged that he was scheduled to take this helicopter and had cheated death. John O’Connell who worked for Trump claims that Trump exploited the situation and had never been scheduled to take the fallen helicopter. O’Connell continues on to allege that Trump blamed the dead executives for various exploits that were Trump’s own doing.

38. Trump is the oldest person to become President, aged 70.

39. Former worker of Trump’s, John O’ Donnell says that Trump views baldness as a sign of weakness. Trump is alleged to have said that going bald is the worst thing a man can do.

40. In the hours following the September 11 attacks, when asked whether any of his buildings had been damaged, Trump responded by saying that Trump Building was now the tallest structure in downtown Manhattan. It turns out that this wasn’t true and in fact 70 Pine Street became the tallest building in the vicinity.

41. Trump admits to colouring his hair and has stated that his wife Melania cuts his hair.

42. Trump University opened in 2005 although it was not accredited and it was sued by the NY Attorney General for allegedly “defrauding students.”

Trump University
 
43. Citizen Kane is Trump’s favourite movie with him once remarking that “I think you learn in Kane that maybe wealth isn’t everything.”

44. In 1989, Trump announced plans to build the world’s tallest building in New York at 150 floors in height. The New Yorker described the planned building as “an exotically banal hundred-and-fifty-story phallus.”

45. A Dominican Republic newspaper accidentally published a photo of Trump impersonator Alec Baldwin thinking it was the real President Trump.

46. At various times Trump has named his favourite book as ‘All Quiet on the Western Front’, ‘The Bible’ and his own books ‘Surviving at the Top’ and ‘The Art of the Deal.’

47. Trump has been involved in over 3,500 legal cases.

48. Due to his role as producer of ‘The Apprentice’ Trump received a Hollywood Walk of Fame star in 2007. Interestingly, after having a nomination accepted, it costs $30,000 to get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Trump Hollywood star Walk of Fame
 
49. In 1988 when former Soviet Union leader Mikhail Gorbachev was in New York, Trump heard he was outside Trump Tower and raced down to meet him. What ensued was Trump calling the impromptu meeting a “great honour” ignorant of the fact he was meeting with a Gorbachev impersonator.

50. Trump is a member of the World Wrestling Entertainment Hall of Fame. He has said this honour means more to him than his high book sales, TV ratings and Hollywood star.

51. In 1987, Trump purchased the world’s third largest yacht and named it ‘Trump Princess.’ He never spent a night on the yacht, instead using it to entertain those who frequented his casinos.

52. Graydon Carter of SPY Magazine referred to Trump as a “short fingered vulgarian” in 1988. As a consequence, over the past 29 years, Carter has received intermittent envelopes from Trump in which a photo of Trump is contained, generally from a magazine. On all of the photos, Trump’s hands are circled in golden sharpie.

53. Trump’s companies have filed for bankruptcy 6 times.

54. TIME Magazine has asked Trump to remove several fake TIME Magazine covers featuring Trump that are displayed in his golf clubs.

55. Trump was named Time Magazine person of the year in 2016.

56. On both of Trump’s heels there are birthmarks.

57. Trump owned the Plaza Hotel when Home Alone 2 was being filmed and he makes an appearance in the film. The carpet in the Plaza Hotel was removed to facilitate Macaulay Culkin sliding across the floor and Trump liked this new look so much that he never replaced the carpet.

58. The White House of Donald Trump is the first since James Polk 168 years earlier not to have a pet.

49 Entertaining Things to do in Adelaide

Research has found that people reap more joy by spending money on experiences as opposed to material possessions. With this in mind, bypass buying the exploding Samsung Note 7 and indulge in an Adelaide activity or two. What shall I do?- I don’t hear you ask. Fear not fellow Adelaideans and tourists, this article covers the costed attractions that call Adelaide home. I have also written a list of 51 free things to do in Adelaide that can be found here.
 

1. Adelaide Oval RoofClimb

Adelaide Oval Roofclimb

The national morning breakfast TV shows seem to broadcast the weather segment live from the Adelaide Oval RoofClimb every second week. It can’t be too long before the ‘Cash Cow’ who is proportioned suspiciously similarly to Kochie does a sign language segment from the Adelaide Oval roof. There is a reason TV crews are drawn to this location- the mixture of 360 degree views and adrenaline. Standard, twilight and in-match climbs are available with the process taking roughly two hours. The RoofClimb is arguably the most highly rated attraction in Adelaide at present and not physically demanding so the Port Power squad might even manage it. On the in-match RoofClimb you may even be able to shake hands with Eddie Betts when he takes a screamer.

More info and pricing: https://roofclimb.com.au/
 

2. Adelaide Gaol

Adelaide Gaol2

The founders of Adelaide originally didn’t plan for a gaol, rationalising that Adelaide residents would be honourable people. To this day I don’t see any flaw with this logic. On the surface, a Gaol being a tourism Mecca makes as much sense as a one-way freeway. In reality, the intriguing Gaol backstory and historic tours cloaked in fascinating fables elevate this ghastly guardhouse to one of Adelaide’s most alluring attractions. Ghost tours, paranormal workshops and twilight tours consisting of a synthesis of pseudoscience ahem I mean ghost stories and history are further methods to explore this location. Self-guided tours are also available at a slightly cheaper price. Word of warning- make sure you don’t confuse the Adelaide Gaol for Yatala in which tours are likely to have an actual element of danger.

More info: https://adelaidegaol.org.au/
 

3. MEGA Adventure Aerial Course, West Beach

MEGA Adventure Aerial Course

If the groundwater contamination makes certain western suburbs of Adelaide uninhabitable, living in the sky on a similar aerial construction may be in our futures. MEGA Adventure Aerial Course contains over 120 activities and creative methods enabling you to get from point A to B, all while harnessed. Unless you are masochistic, not ideal for those with a fear of heights. During the two hour sessions, you are safely attached to a skyhook that can hold 2200 kilograms. You just don’t want the ‘days since an accident has occurred’ sign to be reset to zero after your visit.

Pricing and more info here: https://megaadventure.com.au
 

4. Base Camp SA Obstacle Course Training, Royal Park

SA Base Camp

This obstacle course at Royal Park contains Ninja Warrior-eque facilities aplenty that are aimed at the fitness junkie. From a warped wall to a travelator (think now defunct TV show Gladiators), this gym du jour should ride on Ninja Warrior’s coattails. Base Camp SA features Adelaide’s hardest to navigate obstacles (after the O-Bahn extension roadworks). Bring your own gloves unless you are after the damaged hand look.

Pricing and more info here: http://www.sabasecamp.com.au/
 

5. Escape Rooms, Adelaide

Escape Hunt

Channel your inner Sherlock and solve puzzles within an hour to escape a themed room. Being locked in a chamber normally describes a hostage situation and a precondition for solving crimes is usually a University degree- fast forward to the world of escape rooms. Adelaide Escape Hunt and Adventure Rooms both in Rundle Mall provide a selection of themed escape rooms. On a scale from 1-10 with 1 being easy and 10 being as difficult to decipher as Channel 7s occasional weatherman Tim Noonan, these escape rooms are about an 8.

Escape Hunt: http://adelaide.escapehunt.com/

Adventure Rooms: https://adventurerooms.com.au/adelaide/
 

6. Adventure Kayaking Around Dolphins, Garden Island

kayak

Adventure Kayak SA offers an exploration and tour around the Port River dolphin’s favourite places to frolic. Suitable for families, this activity also includes a proximate look at the colloquial “ships’ graveyard”, mangrove creeks and natives in the vicinity of Port Adelaide (not Port Power fans). After this superbly run tour, you will re-evaluate your perspective of this region from desolate and industrial to scenic and bustling with life. The water is surprisingly clear although if it had been teeming with nuclear waste, I would still give Adventure Kayaking three thumbs up.

Pricing and more info here: http://www.adventurekayak.com.au/
 

7. Adelaide Zoo

Adelaide Zoo

The Adelaide Zoo is famed for containing the only giant pandas in the southern hemisphere. I have long suspected that these creatures are in fact two blokes named Steve and Robbo who broke into the zoo one night dressed as pandas after a fancy dress party and have subsequently been detained. As well as these celebrity pandas, a farmyard contact area enables visitors to have a closer experience of selected animals (not the lions). If you encounter an ex-partner here, you will quickly change your opinion of the most dangerous animal in the zoo.

More info: https://www.adelaidezoo.com.au/
 

8. Cleland Wildlife Park

Cleland Wildlife Park

After being rescued from a rip at Bondi Beach and thusly appearing on TV show Bondi Rescue, the most touristy thing to do in Australia is be photographed holding a koala. Cue Cleland Wildlife Park. The gamut of popular native Australian wildlife are housed at Cleland and visitors to the park are able to interact with and indeed feed some of these creatures. The ‘koala photographs’ entail you holding a koala (and cost an extra fee) and to my disappointment are not an actual well-trained koala taking the photo.

More info: http://www.environment.sa.gov.au/clelandwildlife/Home
 

9. Wine Tours

Wine Tours

The term ‘Greater Adelaide’ refers to two things- both Adelaide’s status of superiority as compared to Melbourne and a nebulously defined region that I will make the most of and assume contains both the Barossa Valley and McLaren Vale. Enter arguably Adelaide’s most celebrated attraction- its wineries. These vineyard tours inevitably involve a designated alcohol abstaining chauffeur driving wine connoisseurs around on a bus amongst a network of famed wineries. A binary decision often rears its head on these tours- should you swirl your slender glass then inhale the wine bouquet before sipping on the textured liquid, swishing it around your palate, spitting it out and savouring in its finish? The alternative is to get very drunk.
 

10. Bounce, Marleston

Bounce

Bounce embodies the quintessential Australian action- jumping. Whether that is a kangaroo’s bounding or a music festival goer illegally jumping over a fence. Backyard trampolines these days are ubiquitously netted off, sanitised constructions. Fast-forward to wild world of Bounce. Online bookings are recommended before descending on this 50 plus interconnected trampoline haven. The one hour sessions also include; wall running, dodgeball courts and slam dunk arenas. What are you waiting for, Bounce is only a hop, skip and jump away (if you live next to Marleston).

More info: https://bounceinc.com.au/venue-adelaide-sa#/
 

11. The Beachouse, Glenelg

The Beachouse

The Beachouse is the replacement of Magic Mountain which despite its dog dropping façade, housed arguably more entertaining equipment. Nonetheless, The Beachouse does contain spiralling waterslides, bumper boats, dodgem cars, mini golf, arcade games and a historic carousel. A 7 stories high ‘play castle’ also exists at The Beachouse, designed for younger children. This sounds like an impressive architectural creation until one realises that it is 7 mini stories high (I am now going to call myself 3 stories high). A number of varied pricing options are purchasable, including the timecard- allowing users to roam from one activity to the next (at a certain morning time).

Pricing options here: http://thebeachouse.com.au/pricing-2/

Opening hours: http://thebeachouse.com.au/contact-us/
 

12. Learn to Surf, Moana, Port Noarlunga and Other Locations

Learn to surf

This somewhat Sisyphean sport has ‘how to’ lessons at some of Adelaide’s southern beaches. The instructors will stop at nothing to provide you with the authentic surfing experience (minus the recreational drugs). All equipment is provided for the duration of the lesson. A swell day for grommets to grandparents.

‘Surf & Sun’ has locations at Moana and Middleton plus seasonal locations elsewhere: http://www.surfandsun.com.au/learn-to-surf/

‘Surf Culture Australia’ provides lessons at Moana, Port Noarlunga, Goolwa and Middleton: https://www.surfcultureaustralia.com.au/
 

13. Laser Skirmish

Laser skirmish

Occasionally in public you will encounter someone saying “greetings and salutations fellow humanoid.” These are often the types of adults that come to laser skirmish (as well as normal children). Norwood, Westbourne Park, St. Agnes, Woodville, Gepps Cross and Noarlunga have laser skirmish facilities with many of these areas having multiple other activities at them.

Norwood: https://www.kingpinbowling.com.au/venues/sa/norwood

Westbourne Park: https://www.amfbowling.com.au/venues/sa/amf-cross-road

St. Agnes: http://www.wizbang.net.au/

Woodville: https://www.amfbowling.com.au/venues/sa/amf-woodville

Gepps Cross: http://www.kart-mania.com.au/laserskirmish

Noarlunga: http://megazone.net.au/
 

14. Mini Golf

Mini golf

Providing the same frustration of golf in a miniaturised setting. Mini golf also enables you to tell your friends of your miraculous golfing hole-in-one achievement while omitting the part of the story that you were playing mini golf #technicallynotlying. There are courses to be found at; Semaphore, West Beach, Glenelg, St. Agnes and Hahndorf. The Adelaide CBD also now contains a bar-mini golf course hybrid on Pultney Street called Holey Moley (as if playing golf sober wasn’t hard enough). I should stipulate that this course is substantially more expensive than the other Adelaide courses.

St. Agnes: http://www.wizbang.net.au/

Semaphore: http://www.semaphorewaterslide.com.au/minigolf.html

West Beach: https://www.westbeachminigolf.com/

Glenelg: http://thebeachouse.com.au/things-to-do/#mini_golf

Hahndorf: http://hahndorfminigolf.com.au/

Holey Moley Adelaide: https://www.holeymoley.com.au/locations/adelaide
 

15. Hahndorf Farm Barn

Hahndorf farm barn

Holding a swag of SA Tourism awards, as well as pythons, the Hahndorf Farm Barn brigade offer a delightful day tailored for children. Their animal range includes; cows, kangaroos, ponies, donkeys, emus, peacocks, camels and many more animals that would satisfy Old MacDonald. The beauty of this farm lies in the interactive nature in which visitors are encouraged to feed, cuddle, and learn about the spectrum of animals. First hand and second hand cow milking classes (I think both hands are required to milk) and reptile shows are presented on specific days and times. Pony rides are also available at certain times for those aged 2 to 12 in human years not horse years.

Opening hours: http://www.farmbarn.com.au/visitors-info/open-times-and-fees/

Cow milking and reptile holding show times: http://www.farmbarn.com.au/inside-the-barn/milk-cow/

Pony ride info and times: http://www.farmbarn.com.au/inside-the-barn/pony-rides/
 

16. Go Karts

Go Karts

Channel your inner Daniel Ricciardo and finish the race in third position before taking a customary yet unhygienic shoey. Although not quite formula 1, go karting is fiendishly difficult to master and allows those under 16 to drive legally. Some age and height requirements may need to be met for both single and dual kart usage. Adelaide has go kart facilities in Gepps Cross, Pooraka, and Richmond.

Gepps Cross: http://www.kart-mania.com.au/gokarts

Pooraka: https://www.facebook.com/prokartspooraka/

Richmond: https://www.megafastkarts.com/adelaide-richmond
 

17. Paintball

Paintball

Anticlimactic, lacklustre, mundane, underwhelming, bland and lacking a personality. These are all words that people commonly use to describe me. Fortunately, none of these words accurate describe the world of paintball. For the uninitiated, paintball involves a military theme and attempts to shoot the opposition team on a specially crafted course. Real bullets aren’t used but rather pellets. The closest paintball facility to Adelaide lies in Port Adelaide and is an indoor paintball arena. The other paintball venues are located a bit further from the CBD and are found at; Edinburgh North, Kuitpo Forest, Monarto and Hartley.

Indoor paintball, Port Adelaide: http://indoorpaintball.com.au/

Edinburgh North: http://www.paintballpark.com.au/

Kuitpo Forest: http://www.paintballsports.com.au/

Monarto: https://www.adelaidepaintballing.com.au/

Hartley: http://www.skirmishsa.com.au
 

18. Horse Riding

Horse riding

If you are intent on dressing as the rear of a two part pantomime horse, in order to satisfy your (or your child’s) horse love- think again. Adelaide has a number of horse riding companies offering beginner and children’s lessons as well as trail rides through picturesque Adelaidean areas. These equine events are located in; Hahndorf, Littlehampton, Aldinga Beach, Millbrook, Lewiston and Sanderston. By riding one of these companies’ horses, in a sense you are saving money- you won’t have to buy a horse to keep.

Hahndorf: http://kirbypark.com/

Littlehampton: http://www.fouroaksfarm.com.au/

Aldinga Beach: http://www.westwoodparkservices.com/

Millbrook: https://www.facebook.com/Templewood-Horse-Riding-Centre-163272113699056/

Lewiston: http://www.horseridingadelaide.com/

Sanderston: http://www.rustysridingretreat.com.au/RRR/Welcome.html
 

19. Ten-pin bowling

Ten-pin bowling

Modern ten-pin bowling alleys have morphed from recreational pastime centres into dimmed, club-like venues blasting the latest music. Many people have a random relative who regularly brags about their ten-pin bowling perfect ‘300’ game. When these people are put to the test, they rely on bumpers and after still managing to get gutter balls, revise the 300 game story down to a modest 100 game score. Numerous ten-pin bowling alleys in Adelaide are amalgamated with other entertainment forms such as laser skirmish or arcade games. The Adelaide location are; Norwood, Westbourne Park, Woodville, Salisbury, Oaklands Park, Noarlunga and Elizabeth.

Norwood: https://www.kingpinbowling.com.au/venues/sa/norwood

Westbourne Park: https://www.amfbowling.com.au/venues/sa/amf-cross-road

Woodville: https://www.amfbowling.com.au/venues/sa/amf-woodville

Salisbury: http://www.bowland.com.au/salisbury/index.html

Oaklands Park: https://www.facebook.com/marionbowland/

Noarlunga: https://www.amfbowling.com.au/venues/sa/amf-noarlunga

Elizabeth: https://www.facebook.com/Elizabeth-Bowland-171305319587873/
 

20. The Cedars, Hahndorf

The Cedars

Sir Hans Heysen, who was one of Australia’s most eminent artists, has his home, studio and gardens (that inspired many of his works) available for viewing. Entering the property known as ‘The Cedars,’ is somewhat akin to entering a time-machine to the era of Heysen that is further brought to life by the informative tours. The essence of the Australian bush is captured by Heysen’s works. His residence can be admired by both artists and those like myself- people that haven’t evolved past stick-figure humanoid drawings.

Tour times, pricing and more info: http://www.hansheysen.com.au/tours.html
 

21. Golf

Golf

Prepare to release your inner Tiger Woods, excluding the extra marital affairs, the sex addiction, the drink driving (okay it turns out he was a bad example and not someone to try and emulate in life besides his golf game). There are dozens of high quality golf courses in and around Adelaide. The most famous and closest to the CBD are located at; North Adelaide, Seaton, Grange, Lockleys and Glenelg. The Adelaide Hills and Greater Adelaide also have a sprinkling of courses. If you aren’t an outdoors person, X-Golf at Marion contains golf simulators. These involve a real golf club and ball on a selection of some of the world’s most famous courses.

X-Golf at Marion info: https://www.xgolf.com.au/locations/marion/
 

22. Adelaide Chocolate School, North Adelaide

Adelaide chocolate school

The Adelaide Chocolate School has perfected the ingredients for both fun and chocolate making. Offering a range of class themes including; seasonal appropriate (such as Easter), truffle making, basic chocolate creations and children classes, sessions generally last for 2 hours. The teachers are much kinder than Gordon Ramsay and use the ‘F’ word substantially less, although they use the other ‘F’ word- ‘fondue’ more than Ramsay. These cocoa-centred concoction classes have the added bonus rule of keep what you make.

Class info and bookings here: http://www.adelaidechocolateschool.com.au/classes.html
 

23. Swimming Pools

Swimming pools

These are dozens of generic public pools across the Adelaide region however three of the largest facilities can be found at Ridgehaven, Oaklands Park and North Adelaide. They all contain waterslides and hybrid pool-playground equipment for children. Apparently some people swim at them too. These aforementioned locations also have the added benefit of containing several pools hence any pool pees are statistically less likely to reach you.

Waterworld Aquatic Centre, Ridgehaven: https://www.cttg.sa.gov.au/waterworld

SA Aquatic and Leisure Centre, Oaklands Park: http://www.saaquatic.ymca.org.au/

Adelaide Aquatic Centre, North Adelaide: https://adelaideaquaticcentre.com.au/
 

24. Ice Arena, Thebarton

Ice Arena

On certain winter mornings in Adelaide, I feel like entering the Ice Arena would actually warm me up. Whilst somewhat dilapidated and in need of the odd repair job and coat of paint, the crux of the Ice Arena is the actual icy arena. The venue consists of a smaller rink suited to novices and children adjacent to a larger rink that often features show-offs, AKA expert ice-skaters. The larger rink doubles as the home ground of Adelaide’s ice hockey team, the Adelaide Adrenaline. Watching this sport can be a unique experience and one in which giving the opposition an icy welcome is frowned upon.

Ice Arena pricing and opening hours: http://www.icearena.com.au/session-prices-times/admission-pricing/

Adelaide Adrenaline ticket info: http://adrenaline.theaihl.com/leagues/custom_page.cfm?clientid=6063&leagueid=25106&pageid=16674
 

25. AFL and Big Bash Cricket

Adelaide Oval

For tourists, experiencing the colosseum that is the Adelaide Oval filled with an ardent Adelaide crowd is quite an event. Virtually every weekend from March until the end of August, one of the local teams- the Crows or Port, play Australian rules football on the hallowed turf. During September the Crows will likely still be playing at Adelaide Oval while the Port team enjoy an overseas vacation. Several Big Bash cricket games are also played over the summer months with the Adelaide Strikers providing entertainment in this shortened version of the game. A newly created Riverbank Footbridge spans the Torrens and links the Railway Station with the home of sport. At around 250 metres in length, it happens to be the same distance that I’m legally allowed to get to Crows captain Tex Walker.
 

26. Port River Dolphins Cruise, Port Adelaide

Port River dolphin cruise

The Port River Dolphin Cruise isn’t just about the dolphins. This nautical drift down the wide Port River also doubles as a tour of local landmarks including the submarine construction facility, proximate ships and port entry. The dolphins however are the rock stars of the show and observing their up-close frolicking is a reminder of their intelligence. If they were more land-faring they could certainly hold their own in a Port Power fan pub trivia night. The three-tiered boat also contains a variety of food and drinks. Seawater is also widely available to drink in the vicinity of the cruise for those so inclined.

Prices and times: http://www.dolphinexplorer.com.au/
 

27. The Clipper Ship, Port Adelaide

Clipper ship

The City of Adelaide Clipper Ship is a partially restored boat that played a pivotal role in the history of this state. The tour is a must for boataholics and history buffs although is probably not as riveting for those without an interest in one of these areas. From a distance, the ship reeks of dodgy uncle repair job. On closer inspection, the inner workings coupled with a historical context paint the ship (not literally, the tour guides wouldn’t appreciate that) as a historical linchpin of South Australia.

Tour info: https://www.cityofadelaide.org.au/tours
 

28. South Australian Maritime Museum, Port Adelaide

South Australian Maritime Museum

Much like our nation is ‘girt’ by sea, the South Australian Maritime Museum is ‘girt’ by interesting exhibits. An attribute of the museum is its ability to impart knowledge in children without the children being aware that knowledge has been imparted. Interactive exhibits are scattered amongst the historical information with the centrepiece of the museum being the Active II, a replica boat that invites exploration.

Prices and opening hours: http://maritime.history.sa.gov.au/
 

29. Stand Up Paddle Boarding, Seacliff

stand up paddle boarding

Stand up paddle boarding is a synthesis of surfing and canoeing. Depending on your ability it provides either a relaxing meander around the velvety smooth sea or a wave catching bonanza. The Seacliff centred stand up paddle boarding setup offers beginner lessons, board hire and paddle board yoga. Whether the paddle board yoga is indeed a craze akin to the fidget spinner birth and death or more likened to the longer term quinoa and kale vogue remains to be seen. Perhaps my scepticism has more to do with my own inflexibility or perhaps it’s because paddle board yoga groups visually resemble a satanic ritual minus the emo apparel.

More info: http://www.standuppaddlesa.com/
 

30. Monarto Zoo

Monarto Zoo

The plus side of Monarto Zoo is the extensive space provided to each creature and this has resulted in two visiting options presented to tourists. The first of these entails a fairly lengthy walk to navigate this zoological haven whilst the second option and generally preferred involves regular minibuses taxiing visitors from enclosure to enclosure. The animals present at Monarto resemble those found on a safari and indeed this entire experience has South African safari elements. The white rhino, giraffe, chimpanzee, cheetah, Tasmanian devil and American bison are just some of the creatures that call Monarto home. You would need balls as big as the mall’s balls to go up to the periphery of these enclosures.

More info: https://www.monartozoo.com.au/
 

31. Popeye and Paddle Boats on the Torrens, Adelaide

Popeye

Those people expecting a spinach chomping sailorman themed boat ride best not attend. Popeye is aimed at those seeking a leisurely glimpse from the water of arguably Adelaide’s most picturesque setting. The cruise glides down the Torrens with a brief commentary of the nearby structures. Another method to view the surrounding Torrens area is by paddle boat. These vessels are leg powered and you can travel anywhere you desire, restricted only by the time limit and your ability to steer these somewhat cumbersome contraptions.

More info: http://thepopeye.com.au/
 

32. Temptation Sailing and Dolphin Swims, Glenelg

Temptation Sailing Glenelg

Sailing and swimming with the dolphins are normally synonymous with either American rap artists or people who have gained their fortunes through nefarious activities and live in houses encircled by security cameras and Rottweilers. Temptation Sailing has changed this. For a reasonable price, a 58 foot catamaran cruises around for 3 and a ½ hours locating pods of dolphins to swim with. Other tours are also available on this venturing vessel that includes dolphin watching and a hedonistic wine-dine-cruise experience.

Pricing and more info: http://dolphinboat.com.au/price-list/
 

33. Skydiving

Skydiving

I’m a big believer in making mistakes. No-one I know makes more than me and in fact you have probably picked up several hundred in this article so far. It therefore makes sense that I’m not a skydiving instructor. Tandem skydives are available around Adelaide for cheaper prices than you would perhaps expect. Some of the landing points differ from the plane take off locations however the following are the general departure areas: Semaphore, Aldinga, Goolwa, Langhorne Creek, McLaren Vale and Lower Light. I’d like to finish this section with these timeless words, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”

Langhorne Creek and Goolwa: http://www.saskydiving.com.au/tandem-skydiving-adelaide

Lower Light: http://www.adelaideskydiving.com.au/first-time-skydiving/

Semaphore, Aldinga and Goolwa: https://coastalskydive.com.au/

McLaren Vale: http://www.skydivethesouthernvines.com.au/
 

34. National Railway Museum, Port Adelaide

National Railway Museum

Surprisingly you don’t need a Sheldon Cooper train infatuation to enjoy all the National Railway Museum has to offer. Historical and interactive displays feature at this museum with an actual train roaming the premises that visitors can hop on or off. Many children tend to have a natural proclivity for trains that they grow out of when homework, taxes then old age catches up with them. Children can relish in their Thomas the Tank Engine fantasies at this museum. When deciding on a place to visit in Adelaide, take a leaf out of Lisa Simpsons book- ‘I choo choo choose you’ National Railway Museum.

More info and pricing: http://www.natrailmuseum.org.au/
 

35. Beerenberg Farm Strawberry Picking, Hahndorf

Beerenberg Farm

After spending a day strawberry picking at Beerenberg farm, the most important thing you can do is wash your hands. If the police pull you over on your drive back to Adelaide with red covered hands and a contended smile on your face, it’s not easy to claim innocence. The strawberry picking faction of Beerenberg Farm is open from November to April and this process is more wondrous than worksome. The farm shop contains a scrumptious assortment of jams, sauces, chutneys and other products. The staff here are as sweet as the strawberries.

More info: http://www.beerenberg.com.au/61/Pick-Your-Own-Strawberries
 

36. Adelaide Oval Tours

Adelaide Oval tours

‘The Adelaide Advertiser’ with its letters anagrammed forms ‘dead vile- readers hate it.’ As a reader of the appropriately named ‘Advertiser’ I would agree with this sentiment if it wasn’t for the extensive sports coverage that readers of this state lap up. Adelaide Oval is the sporting pièce de résistance of this state and a fair portion of the local rag’s stories relate to it somehow. To take a peak beneath the veil and tour this iconic oval is the sport fanatic’s equivalent of visiting a holy site. The hour and a half tours generally involve a visit to the; scoreboard, change rooms, corporate boxes and media HQ. Think of it as unlocking a secret level on a computer game unless you don’t like computer games in which case think of it as a tour of Adelaide Oval.

Pricing and more info: http://www.adelaideoval.com.au/107/adelaide-oval-tours.aspx
 

37. Hot Air Ballooning, Barossa Valley

Hot air balloon

If you have a fear of heights, look away now. Look away in any direction except downwards. The best way to experience the views of the Barossa is from the novel form of transport that is hot air ballooning. Two companies offer flights from this wine region with an airborne adventure awaiting you. Flights generally last one hour however the whole ballooning experience is ballooned out into several more hours. This time is not wasteful and instead includes a full breakfast and transportation to and from the launch site. When the conditions are right, Barossa hot air ballooning will blow you away.

Balloon Adventures, Barossa Valley: https://balloonadventures.com.au/barossa-valley-ballooning/barossa-balloon-flight/

Barossa Valley Ballooning: http://www.barossavalleyballooning.com.au/bookings/
 

38. Gepps Cross Drive-In

Gepps Cross drive-in

Children these days may be apathetic to the whole concept of cinema with ‘insert popular online streaming service name’ taking over the world. The drive-in cinema realm is even more foreign to them. The original ‘Netflix and chill’ strategy may have been predated by drive-in cinemas and indeed the unique experience of watching a movie in a car far surpasses the Netflix, I mean ‘popular online streaming service’ process. There are a large number of traditional cinemas scattered across the Adelaide suburbs with the Eastend of Adelaide’s ‘Palace Nova’ housing the SBS equivalent of movies. These are targeted at foreign film connoisseurs, artsy hipsters and those who like to stroke their imaginary beard while philosophising over life.

Gepps Cross Drive-in: https://www.wallis.com.au/cinemas/mainline-drive-in

Palace Nova Eastend: https://sa.palacecinemas.com.au/cinemas/eastend/
 

39. National Motor Museum, Birdwood

National Motor Museum

At this Adelaide Hills location, saying the words “cars” and “bikes” aloud somehow seems too modernly crass and their proper names of “automobiles” and “motorbikes” seem to better match the vehicles historical context. A diversity of cars that are as creative as those found in the Wacky Races franchise can be viewed at this museum including the buggy from film ‘Mad Max.’ This Birdwood museum is essentially a time-capsule that is unearthed by a stroll through this spacious building. At any moment one feels the cars might come alive akin to the semi-obscure children’s TV show ‘Brum.’ A few older drivers currently roaming the Adelaide streets probably belong in this museum too.

More info: http://motor.history.sa.gov.au/
 

40. Scuba Diving, Glenelg

scuba diving

Scuba diving is 30% fun, 30% educational, 30% exploration and 30% fitness. It turns out I’m 100% bad at adding percentages. The Glenelg located Adelaide Scuba offers learn to scuba dive classes that feature an introduction into this recreational pursuit (apologies to the scuba community if they view it as a sport). Classes are also offered to children as long as they are over 8 years of age. ‘Diving Adelaide’ is another company that operate beginner courses. They have HQ at Glandore and a tonne of good reviews. In the words of abstract The Office character ‘Creed’ “If I can’t scuba, then what’s this all been about, what am I working toward?”

Adelaide Scuba: http://www.adelaidescuba.com.au/

Diving Adelaide: http://divingadelaide.com.au/
 

41. Plaster Fun House

Plaster Fun House Brighton

The Plaster Fun House uses almost as much plaster per square metre as the aftermath of a Ramsgate Hotel visit. With stores found at Brighton, Unley and Brahma Lodge the process here is simple. Select a plaster model off the shelf- these come in the forms of animals, fictional characters, letters and other random entities. Whilst inside the shop, you then use as many of the vast selection of paints and decoration accessories to bring your white mould to life. You won’t exactly mimic the work of Michelangelo (unless you are indeed the resurrected 16th century Italian painter visiting Adelaide) but those with amateurish artistic talents will be pleasantly surprised at their end product. Plaster Fun House is an ideal attraction for crafty children and those adults responsible for causing adult colouring-in books to reside in the bestseller lists.

Brighton: https://www.plasterfunhouse.com.au/store/brighton

Unley: https://www.plasterfunhouse.com.au/store/unley

Brahma Lodge: https://www.plasterfunhouse.com.au/store/brahma-lodge
 

42. Labyrinth Escape Rooms, Klemzig

Labyrinth

For too long Adelaideans have held sports people on a pedestal while those conducting more intellectual pursuits are neglected such as doctors, lawyers and escape room masters. Cue Labyrinth. Open from December 2017, Labyrinth is somewhat divergent from the standard escape rooms in which a solitary area needs to be escaped from within an hour. At this Klemzig property, 33 differently themed rooms are connected by a series of hallways hence the name ‘Labyrinth.’ Visitors are allowed one hour in this mazed series of rooms with it taking roughly 10-15 minutes to complete a single room. An amazing location for Tinder dates to examine the sexiest part of a human- their brain.

More info: http://www.labyrinthsa.com.au/
 

43. Gorge Wildlife Park, Cudlee Creek

Gorge Wildlife Park

From the outside, Gorge Wildlife Park appears to be a fairly minor and uneventful location. Akin to JK Rowling’s Potteresque world, entry into this park expands the boundaries and a plethora of friendly animals are found to be living in this world. Gorge, located in the appropriately named ‘Cudlee’ Creek, is similar to Cleland Wildlife Park in many respects. Unlike Cleland, the koala holding at Gorge is included in the price of the ticket. Gorge also contains a number of foreign animals that dissimilar to cane toads are welcome and contained. Feeding many of the native animals here accentuates its appeal. The only downside of Gorge- with a tinge of envy I need to ponder why I as an Australian animal don’t get people flocking to feed me.

More info: http://gorgewildlifepark.com.au/
 

44. Inflatable World

Inflatable world

Located at Morphett Vale and Salisbury, Inflatable World is like a bouncy castle on performance enhancing drugs. Entry entitles you to a two hour long bouncefest at an arena filled with more plastic than a Burnside surgeon’s waiting room. The air-filled obstacles are diverse in nature and would challenge the masters of the bounce- NASA’s lunar astronauts, largely due to their age. You are encouraged to leave all sharp implements at home- be that watches, jewellery or swords. Socks must be worn to stop your ingrown big toenail from popping a piece of this playground. Much like this bouncy world itself, opening hours are unique so check them out below:

Morphett Vale: http://www.inflatableworldoz.com.au/stadiums/morphettvale/hours-location/

Salisbury: http://www.inflatableworldoz.com.au/stadiums/salisbury/hours-location/
 

45. Semaphore Waterslide Complex

Semaphore Waterslide Complex

A 70 metre long waterslide is the key feature of this beachside fun hub. The waterslide is flanked by; mini golf, a Ferris wheel and a bouncy castle. Carny folk are also present with their persuasive ability to make boyfriends spend hundreds of dollars on rigged games to win a trashy stuffed toy in order to not emasculate themselves in front of their girlfriend. During the warmer months of the year, a steam train, operated by the National Railway Museum runs on a 2km track near the waterslide complex. Especially in the summer months, finding enjoyment at the Semaphore Waterslide Complex isn’t complex.

Semaphore Waterslide Complex info: http://www.semaphorewaterslide.com.au/default.html

Train ride info: http://www.natrailmuseum.org.au/rides.php
 

46. The Handlebar, Adelaide

Handlebar

Drink driving is despicable and there is no excuse for it. Drink ‘using leg-powered motion to move a vehicle whilst a sober individual is responsible for steering’ is joyful and the premise of Adelaide’s Handlebar. Holding up to 16 people, the caterpillar-like contraption gets peddled from pub to pub around Adelaide for two hours all whilst music blares and liquor flows. In theory this portable pub makes about as much sense as a sign for an optometrist. In reality, Handlebar is the perfect blend of drinks, music, fitness, sightseeing and future Alcoholics Anonymous members.

More info: https://handlebaradelaide.com.au/
 

47. The Adelaide Planetarium, Mawson Lakes

Adelaide Planetarium

The Adelaide Planetarium offers shows for children all the way through to adults still living with their parents AKA those with a Star Trek fetishes. Sessions vary in content however commonly contain a dissertation on the night sky plus an educational movie. Within this domed mini-theatre, you are cloaked in darkness before taking a journey through the stars. Every utterance by the lecturer connects a pinprick of light to reality. This planetarium is ideal for those rare souls who don’t enjoy looking at pop stars but instead have an interest in viewing popping stars AKA supernova.

More info: http://www.unisa.edu.au/planetarium/
 

48. Latitude Adelaide, Greenacres

Latitude Adelaide

There are 4 types of people in the world. 1. Those who enjoy Latitude, 2. Those who think Latitude is the greatest place this side of the Milky Way and 3. Those who are competent at counting. This attraction’s speciality is its latitude of activities including; rock climbing walls, trampolines, a bungee tower, sky walk, airbags, dodgeball, basketball, jousting etcetera (I only use the word etcetera when I have run out of things to say in a list and want to make out there are more things in said list). Sessions last an hour and closed toe shoes (which sound like a species of sloth) are a prerequisite for climbing. Adults are also welcome to don their metaphorical superman suits before embarking on this obstacle haven. Although adults pushing children out of the way is apparently frowned upon.

More info: https://latitudeair.com/info/locations/adelaide/
 

49. Climbing, Holden Hill and Thebarton

Climbing

The two premiere indoor climbing gyms in Adelaide are located at Holden Hill and Thebarton. Vertical Reality Climbing at Holden Hill provides top-roping (not a hair-do that begs to be cut off but essentially what rock climbing is) for novices. It also contains a bouldering area which in English means climbing with no harness or ropes however a soft mat to fall onto. Adelaide’s Bouldering Club at Thebarton is dedicated entirely to the craft of bouldering and the scenery resembles something the Mars Curiosity rover has photographed. What I suspect some bouldering enthusiast train for is the act of (illegally) climbing fences into music festivals.

Vertical Reality Climbing, Holden Hill: http://www.verticalrealityclimbing.com/

Adelaide’s Bouldering Club, Thebarton: http://www.aboulderclub.com/
 

Extras

Warrawong Sanctuary, Mylor: Closed as of 2017 but reopening in 2018. http://www.warrawongws.com.au/

Woody’s Challenge Hill, Woodhouse: Obstacle course.

https://www.woodhouse.org.au/experience/challenge-hill/

Snooker/Billiards/Pool Halls: Dozens of locations scattered across Adelaide.

Classic Jets Fighter Museum, Parafield

http://www.classicjets.com/

Sports: Depending on the period of the year, popular teams to follow that aren’t already mentioned in this article are; Adelaide united (soccer), Adelaide 36ers (basketball), Adelaide Crows (women’s AFL), Adelaide Thunderbirds (netball), Adelaide Bite (baseball) and Adelaide Lightning (women’s basketball).

Sensory Deprivation Tank: Massages and spas also commonly on offer.

Float Mode, Adelaide: https://www.modefitness.com.au/collections/float-tanks

The Float Room, Marion: http://thefloatroom.com.au/

Blue Lagoon, West Lakes: http://www.bluelagoonfloatandspa.com.au/

Rally Drive, Truro: Drive a rally car and experience a hotlap with a pro driving.

https://www.rallyschool.com.au/adelaide/

Flight Simulator:

Jet Fight Simulator, Unley: https://www.jetflightsimulatoradelaide.com.au/

Flight Experience, Parafield: https://adelaide.flightexperience.com.au/

  

Remember to browse my other blog entry covering 51 free things to do in Adelaide. When seasonal events and statewide attractions are added into the mix, two more worlds of activity beg exploration. If you have been, thanks for reading!

 

51 Free Things to do in Adelaide

Adelaide isn’t boring, contrary to the thoughts of namely eastern state cynics who have never set foot here. The following is a list of free Adelaide or proximate attractions that will suit penny-pinching people who visit this city and even the natives.

1. South Australian Museum, Adelaide

SA museum

You don’t need a degree in anthropology or zoology, or even need to be able to spell those words (thanks spellcheck) to enjoy this cosmopolitan, North Terrace jewel. Interactive exhibits and child-friendly activities are littered across the permanent galleries from megafauna to ancient Egyptian. Incidentally, the SA Museum would be a perfect location for the world hide-and-seek championships if it wasn’t for the priceless artefacts.

Opening hours here: http://www.samuseum.sa.gov.au/

Free tour info here: http://www.samuseum.sa.gov.au/explore/tours

 

 2. Stirling

Stirling

This Adelaide Hills town is a must see attraction in the autumn months, with its boulevards laced with rusty hued leaves. Despite a key attraction being leaves, this is one place you won’t want to. Woorabinda Lake is nestled near the main thoroughfare of the town and is surrounded by walking trails and the quintessential Adelaide Hills bush fauna and flora. Hipsters may congregate more in this town than other regions but like identifying the native animals here, there is easy way to identify hipsters- they are more concerned with using Occam’s razor than an actual razor. There is only one word to appropriately describe this town- sterling.

 

3. Art Gallery of South Australia, Adelaide

art gallery

This second biggest state art collection in Australia contains works by famed artists including; Rodin, Goya, Jacob Epstein and Sidney Nolan. Free tours run at 11am and 2pm daily. The seating in the modern art section of the gallery raises existential questions- When does a bench become a bench? Does the act of sitting on the bench provide this object with meaning? Is there symbolism in the bench transcending the essence of this object? It turns out that the bench isn’t part of an exhibit…

Opening hours and more info here: http://www.artgallery.sa.gov.au/agsa/home

 

 4. Adelaide Botanic Garden, Adelaide

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Botanic Gardens trees

The 125 acre Adelaide Botanic Garden contains the free entry Bicentennial Conservatory- the largest single span glasshouse in the southern hemisphere. The garden also houses the oldest glasshouse in the southern hemisphere, the palm house. It was imported from Germany in 1875 and is thought to be the only Victorian glasshouse of its kind anywhere in the world. There are plants at the Botanic Garden too. Free guided tours of the Garden are provided daily at 10:30am except on Good Friday, Christmas and days forecast to be over 36 degrees. I for one would like the guided tour job in summer when days over 36 degrees seem plentiful.

More info here: https://www.environment.sa.gov.au/botanicgardens/visit/adelaide-botanic-garden
 

 5. State Library of South Australia, Adelaide

Mortlock wing

The State Library is a juxtaposition between ancient and nouveau architecture. The Mortlock Wing conjures up Harry Potter-esque images with the grandeur of a French Renaissance style building and an elongated curved glass skylight. The Mortlock Wing is a regular fixture on lists of the world’s most beautiful libraries. There are books there too. Litterateurs enjoy. Daily tours can be booked for weekdays at 11am or 2pm.

More info and opening hours here: http://www.slsa.sa.gov.au/site/page.cfm?u=945
 

 6. Geocaching

geocaching

Although not unique to Adelaide, geocaching is a worldwide ‘treasure’ hunt that is a modern amalgam of orienteering and scavenging. It is a novel method to explore the community, problem solve and sometimes exchange some of your unwanted junk for other people’s unwanted junk.

Sign up, get the app and more info here: https://www.geocaching.com/play
 

 7. Hahndorf

Hahndorf

Located in the Adelaide Hills, upon stepping foot in the town of Hahndorf, one feels like one has entered another era and another country. One hasn’t actually entered a different epoch or region so one doesn’t have to keep referring to oneself as one. The town is the oldest German settlement in Australia. The Hahndorf heritage walk isn’t only a tongue-twister but also a method to explore the history of this town.

Heritage walk brochure: https://www.walkingsa.org.au/walk/find-a-place-to-walk/hahndorf-heritage-walk/
 

 8. Montefiore Hill, North Adelaide

Montefiore Hill

Arguably the most scenic view from the Adelaide plains, Montefiore Hill overlooks Adelaide Oval and the now somewhat obscured City of Adelaide. There are a few realistic human statues in Adelaide who pose in tableau form generally around Rundle Mall. The most convincing human statue is aloft Montefiore Hill- surveyor and designer of Adelaide, Colonel William Light, dramatically points towards the city and he hasn’t blinked since 1938.
 

9. Morialta Conservation Park, Woodforde

morialta

Like an oasis rising out of the metropolis, the Eastern suburbs morph into wilderness at Morialta, just 10km from the city centre. The colloquial ‘Giant’s Cave’ and spectacular First Falls are within easy walking distance from the carpark. A range of walking trails of varying difficulty levels are also omnipresent. Koalas resembling ewoks sit perched in numerous trees. Drop bears may be mythological creations but if you warn enough people of their presence at Morialta, the park will be just yours to enjoy. There is a recently opened Morialta Nature Playground flanking the sole road into the park. Its kryptonite may indeed be its popularity as traffic disruptions have arisen for the local residents which for those au fait with playground lingo must mean ‘great playground.’

More info, including opening hours here: http://www.environment.sa.gov.au/parks/find-a-park/Browse_by_region/Adelaide_Hills/morialta-conservation-park
 

10. Adelaide Central Market, Adelaide

Adelaide-central-market

This diverse attraction holds the title of being the largest undercover fresh produce markets in the southern hemisphere. This melting pot market is in many ways a microcosm of Adelaidian life- colourful, culturally diverse, friendly and also having peculiar opening hours. The market is the most visited South Australian location, with 8 million people descending on it every year.

More info including opening hours here: http://www.adelaidecentralmarket.com.au/
 

 11. Beaches

Port Noarlunga Beach

Arguments over the best beach in Adelaide can sometimes be as heated as debates over the best football team- the Crows or Port. Unlike the football team debates in which there is a right answer (the Crows) beach preference is largely subjective. Quiet, wide and smooth beaches are generally spread out across the southern suburbs and include Moana, Port Noarlunga and Aldinga. If an easily accessible people hotspot is your thing- Glenelg, Brighton, Henley and Grange are the frontrunners. If you are a nude beachophile (and likely a pervert), Maslin Beach- the first nude beach in Australia is perfect for you.
 

12. Port Adelaide

Port Adelaide boat

Amidst the gentrification of Port Adelaide from wharfie hub to waterfront hotspot, there are numerous attractions in the suburb. Port River dolphins are known to frolic in this locale and are renowned for being the closest wild dolphins to a metropolitan area in the world. The dolphins are doubly unique in their ability to ‘tail walk’, a bodily flourish specific to this region. The Fishermen’s Wharf Markets, open on Sundays and Monday public holidays from 9am-5pm, is a market of bric-a-brac perhaps closest in nature to the Bargain Hunt TV show markets in the UK. Warning: you may encounter some Port Power supporters here but if you avoid looking them in the eye they generally don’t cause too much trouble.
 

 13. Carrick Hill, Springfield

Carrick Hill

Carrick Hill is a decadent setting that on the one hand appeases the art connoisseurs, on the other hand its expansive garden with not a leaf out of place appeals to nature lovers and on the other hand, most people haven’t got three hands. Carrick Hill House has a somewhat contentious Turner painting that an expert has labelled as having a “just under 50%” chance of being an authentic Turner. Admission into the house itself costs a fee although paying “just under 50%” of the fee is apparently not accepted. Gauguin’s genuine watercolour, The Big Tree, is also at Carrick Hill. A story book trail lines the outskirts of the stately house that pays homage to the classics of British, children’s literature.

More info and opening hours here: http://www.carrickhill.sa.gov.au/contact
 

 14. Haigh’s Chocolates Visitor Centre, Parkside

Haigh's Chocolates

Adelaide is the HQ of Haigh’s Chocolates and free tours of the local factory are provided with only an online booking necessary. If you expect a Wonkaeque experience then lower your expectations. If you foresee a run-of-the-mill tour then raise your expectations. Somewhere in the middle is a sweet tooth’s delight and such is the Haigh’s chocolate tour. Free samples are provided at the conclusion of the half-an-hour tour. Just be satisfied that your chocolate factory tour doesn’t end the same way as Augustus Gloop’s did.

More info, opening hours and to book online: http://www.haighschocolates.com.au/tours
 

 15. The Big Rocking Horse and Toy Factory, Gumeracha

Big Rocking Horse

At 18 metres high, this colossal ‘big thing’ is the world’s tallest rocking horse. Amongst this complex is also a wildlife park, Toy Factory and café. Whilst entry into the Top Factory Shop is free, climbing the giant rocking horse costs $2 with a certificate provided and entry to the animal park costs $1. I’m no military mastermind- I mean hell, most days I’m barely a human but if Australia needed to invade New Zealand, The Big Rocking Horse would suffice as a gift to our Kiwi neighbours whilst clandestinely containing some soldiers.

More info and opening hours here: https://thetoyfactory.com.au/
 

 16. Mount Lofty Summit, Crafers

Mount Lofty summit

Adelaide’s highest peak provides sweeping views across the plains and beyond, into the ocean. The summit features a restaurant and café and doubles as a destination point for fitness fanatics such as cyclists, runners and walkers. A somewhat challenging hiking path weaves from Waterfall Gully to the Mount Lofty summit, covering around 3.9km return. Mount Lofty also attracts snow hungry locals when there is a nip in the Adelaide air as they congregate in the hopes of seeing snow fall on Adelaide peakiest peak. What often transpires is brothers throwing an ice-rock combo at their sisters.

More info and opening hours: https://www.environment.sa.gov.au/parks/find-a-park/Browse_by_region/Adelaide_Hills/mount-lofty-summit
 

 17. Mount Lofty Botanic Garden, Crafers

Mount Lofty Botanic Garden

Situated on the eastern slopes of Mount Lofty, the garden specialises in ‘cool-climate plants’ and is renowned for the diverse sculptures scattered throughout. There is a glut of creeks that divide the location up like grooves on a leaf. A harlequin collection of flora and fauna reside within the garden with the pièce de résistance being a picturesque lake, unsurprisingly called the ‘Mount Lofty Botanic Garden Lake.’ On the rolling premises are numerous hills that will tempt children to roll down them. Perhaps indicative of an aspect of modern world nanny-statism, quixotic signs at the garden now specifically prohibit this activity. Nonetheless, if your children are creative enough to defy gravity and roll uphill, please encourage them to. My hope is for signs to then emerge banning uphill rolling.

Opening hours: https://www.environment.sa.gov.au/botanicgardens/visit/mount-lofty-botanic-garden/visitor-information
 

 18. Waterfall Gully

Waterfall Gully waterfall

Occasionally on the news for flooding local residents’ properties, Waterfall Gully’s greatest nuisance doubles as its number one joy- the first falls waterfall. Paths in the vicinity of this waterfall branch off into various hiking routes and you may encounter the odd fitness guru who can run up to Mount Lofty in minus 3 minutes but also koalas, kangaroos and a scattering of bird life. A popular restaurant also occupies space at Waterfall Gully.

More info and opening hours: https://www.environment.sa.gov.au/parks/find-a-park/Browse_by_region/Adelaide_Hills/waterfall-gully
 

 19. Free Bike Hire, Adelaide and Esplanade

Free Bike Hire

In exchange for a valid driver’s license, passport or proof of age card, a free bike hiring can be yours. The locations to pick up a bike are generally concentrated around the CBD and the beach suburbs with a smattering of locations in suburbia. A meandering bike ride down the meandering Torrens or a cycle along the Esplanade are ideal paths with scenic imagery complementing a no-roads-to-cross trajectory. This initiative differs from topical oBike app hiring that has resulted in more bikes than marine creatures being fished out of the Yarra. Another reason this situation would not arise in Adelaide is that the number of responsible people is higher per person than Melbourne, excluding the aforementioned Port Power supporters who skew this data.

Map of locations to pick up free bike hire: https://www.bikesa.asn.au/adelaidefreebikes

List of locations and opening hours: https://www.bikesa.asn.au/adelaidefreebikeslocation
 

 20. St Kilda

St Kilda

One doesn’t need to travel to the AFL premiership drought affected area in Victoria to soak up the best St Kilda has to offer. 22km north of the Adelaide CBD lies this coastal suburb, famous for its adventure playground. For a child, in what may surpass Christmas, Easter and their birthday all rolled into one, the playground is quite simply exhilarating. A multi-level, turreted construction is fringed by countless slides, flying foxes and contraptions that would not be out of place in Andy Griffiths’ treehouse series. A shipwreck, mangrove boardwalk and world renowned bird watching area are further strings to St. Kilda’s bow. Perhaps the only regret you could have visiting St Kilda is undoing your car windows in transit when passing the suburb of Bolivar.

Opening hours for the St Kilda mangrove trail here: http://www.salisbury.sa.gov.au/Play/Community_Facilities_and_Parks/Parks_amp_Facilities/St_Kilda#mangrove
 

 21. Tandanya, Adelaide

Tandanya

This is an indigenous Australia art museum and holds the title of being the oldest cultural centre owned and run by Aboriginals in Australia. A number of pieces of original artwork are for sale and a gift shop contains souvenirs for purchase. The term ‘Tandanya’ is derived from the word ‘Tarndanya’ the Kaurna people’s term for “red kangaroo place.”

Opening hours: https://www.tarnanthi.com.au/location/tandanya/
 

22. The Bradman Collection, North Adelaide

Bradman Collection

When the term ‘greatest sportsperson statistically of all time’ is used, the reference isn’t to some bloke called Gary from Port Pirie who hit 400 runs of 70 balls in D grade cricket. Enter Sir Donald Bradman. The Bradman Collection, on loan to the Adelaide Oval, pays homage to this cricketing maestro who induced scorekeeper’s repetitive strain injury. Featuring a number of his personal items, interactive exhibits and video footage, the exhibition charts Bradman’s life from boyhood in Bowral to adulthood in Adelaide.

More info and opening hours here: http://www.adelaideoval.com.au/115/the-bradman-collection.aspx
 

 23. The National Wine Centre

national wine centre

Perhaps geometrically unrepresentative of Australia, the centre is shaped like a wine barrel instead of the South Australian invented ‘goon sack.’ It features an interactive exhibition on winemaking and is alluring to oenologists and wine drinkers alike. Wine samples are provided at a cost which makes sense considering how people like to flout rules and load up on free samples. If you are a glass half full person who would rather wine than whine, you will love this place.

Opening hours: https://wineaustralia.com.au/discover-experience/location-hours/
 

 24. Jam Factory, Adelaide

Jam Factory

Sorry to disappoint jam enthusiasts but contrary to the name, the Jam Factory no longer produces the edible fruity spread. What instead awaits visitors is an array of contemporary, local artwork that varies so much in form that an art novice like myself can only categorise it under the broad term ‘art.’ The inventiveness of some of these arty creations puts shame on a blog uncreatively titled ‘some random stuff.’ Glassblowing methodology is another delightful facet to view in the Jam Factory which somehow morphs the worlds of hipsters and blacksmiths.

Opening hours: https://www.jamfactory.com.au/pages/contact-us
 

 25. Himeji Garden, Adelaide

Himeji Garden

Skirting the southern edge of the CBD, entering the Himeji Garden is akin to appearing in Japan (minus the zany TV shows). The halcyon garden was a gift from Adelaide’s sister city, Himeji and contains a perfectly crafted landscape and water-features. The key themes that resonate here are; peacefulness, tranquillity and being at one with nature. If you take your children here with you, the central themes are; ‘please be quiet’, ‘don’t step on that’ and ‘that’s not for eating.’

Opening hours: http://www.adelaideparklands.com.au/assets/Himeji_Garden_Brochure_web.pdf
 

26. Migration Museum, Adelaide

Migration Museum

This museum is focused on the history of South Australian immigration and settlement (that is people coming here not leaving for the eastern states). Migrate towards the museum for free Sunday tours, starting at 3pm and lasting 45 minutes.

Opening hours and more info: http://migration.history.sa.gov.au/
 

 27. Adelaide Arcade, Adelaide

Adelaide Arcade

A heritage arcade that despite being known as A.A. isn’t a meeting spot for Alcoholics Anonymous. Supposedly a ghostly hangout but the real scary feature is how the builders managed the delicate intricacies in the architecture. The Rundle Mall entrance contains a fountain with a somewhat transient history that has been carefully painted in Victorian colours (that is era, not state). This arcade has a ground and balcony floor containing over 100 distinct retail outlets.

Opening hours: http://adelaidearcade.com.au/
 

 28. Adelaide Metro Free Tram and Connector Bus, Adelaide, North Adelaide and Jetty Road Glenelg

Adelaide Metro free bus

On a technicality, this is a ‘thing to do’ although admittedly swarms of tourists aren’t descending on Adelaide for the sole purpose of riding a free bus or tram hence it’s not really an attraction. It is imperative that you catch the correct free bus or tram because catching a costing service one and not paying is apparently frowned upon.

Free service info: https://www.adelaidemetro.com.au/Timetables-Maps/Special-Services/Free-City-Services
 

 29. Rundle Mall, Adelaide

Malls balls

The eminent shopping strip of Adelaide is closed to traffic but open to the symbol of Adelaide and perennial meeting place- the Mall’s Balls. Buskers frequent this elongated strip as do pigs of the porcine and bronze variety. There are many offshoots of Rundle Mall including a range of arcades and plazas that invite exploring. Several major department stores also reside in the vicinity of Rundle Mall. Restaurants abound the eastern extension of Rundle Mall- Rundle Street. The western length of Rundle Mall morphs into the slightly shady Hindley Street in which the odd unsavoury character may appear as well as Shannon Noll.

Trading hours: http://rundlemall.com/visitor-info/opening-hours/
 

30. Hallett Cove Conservation Park, Hallett Cove

Hallett Cove Conservation Park

If you have a penchant for geological sites, then Hallett Cove Conservation Park is for you. The rock formations tell a history of a morphing earth over millions of years. You may also encounter the occasional transient rock music fan who has misinterpreted what a ‘rock tour’ is.

Opening hours are 24/7 minus catastrophic fire danger days and occasionally extreme fire danger days.
 

 31. Botanic Park, Adelaide

Botanic park

Also known by its Hunger Games-esque name ‘Park 11’, this grassland is scattered with Moreton Bay figs and joins the Botanic Garden and Adelaide Zoo. It is a popular location for various priced events throughout the year which are now harder to sneak into illegally. It is open 24/7 except when fenced off for various festivals.
 

32. Victoria Square, Adelaide

Victoria Square

Located in the heart of the CBD, this public square is not named to pay homage to South Australia’s eastern states rival but rather Princess (eventually Queen) Victoria. If anything, our eastern state nemesis copied us as they named their state Victoria 14 years after Victoria Square was named as such.

Open 24/7. An interactive game suggesting some activities in and around Victoria Square can be found here: http://www.adelaideparklands.com.au/victoria-square/every-days-an-adventure-in-victoria-square/
 

 33. Thorndon Park, Paradise

Thorndon Park

Featuring a reservoir, sprawling play equipment and wildlife including pelicans and ducks this is the perfect place for a picnic. The park contains walking trails and is just large enough to get lost in but not large enough to avoid embarrassment and phone emergency services if you get lost.

Open 24/7 however the carpark is locked between sunset and sunrise.
 

 34. Marion Coastal Walking Trail, Marino to Hallett Cove

Marion Coastal Walking Trail

This Marion trail, open 24/7, extends to the anagrammed Marino to the north and Hallett Cove to the south as part of a 7.2km journey. Large portions of the trail are steeped and the path snakes alongside where the cliffs dissolve into the sea. Many public art pieces are littered across this trail (in a figurative sense). This boardwalk won’t turn into a bored walk.
 

35. Adelaide Casino, Adelaide

Adelaide Casino

Making this ‘Adelaide free things’ list on a technicality of free entry, the Adelaide Casino is located within the historic Adelaide Railway Station. The casino would also qualify for a future ‘Places in Adelaide to lose thousands of dollars’ list. Although open 24/7, people in Adelaide frequenting the casino have something in common with my Grandmother’s teeth- they both tend to come out at night.

Closed only on Christmas Day and Good Friday.
 

 36. Elder Park, Adelaide

Elder Park

Snuggly sandwiched between the Adelaide Festival Centre and the River Torrens, Elder Park contains landscape vista views and is a common locale for special events. A rotunda made and shipped from Glasgow in 1882 is the centrepiece of Elder Park. Swimming in the adjacent Torrens is strongly discouraged unless you are a superhero who thrives on murky pollution.

Open 24/7 except when a fenced event is on.
 

 37. West Terrace Cemetery, Adelaide

West Terrace Cemetery

This ‘attraction’ is not only for the macabrely curious but contains the resting places of many notable South Australians. Also present at the West Terrace Cemetery is the grave of the Somerton Man, an unidentified individual at the centre of a lingering mystery that involves an uncracked code, spy-like themes and possibly a poisoned individual. Whist guided tours, including night tours and ghost tours come at a cost, self-guided tours are free. To paraphrase The Simpsons, these tours will put the ‘fun’ in funeral.
 

 38. Bonython Park, Adelaide

Bonython Park

Home of several music festivals, Bonython Park also contains a relatively new playground. It features a 25 metre flying fox, human mouse wheel and sandpit in which children are encouraged to dig for bones (fortunately it is far enough away from the West Terrace Cemetery to dig up those bones). On a similar note, Bonython Park is also the resting place of the Skyshow fireworks, Rest in Peace.

Open 24/7 with carpark gates closing at 6pm.
 

 39. National War Memorial, Adelaide

National War Memorial

This North Terrace war memorial is located at the beginning of the recently opened ‘ANZAC Centenary Memorial Walk’ which runs alongside Kintore Avenue. The short walk concludes at the Torrens Parade Ground.

Openings hours of the National War Memorial are 10am-5pm daily. The ANZAC Centenary Memorial Walk is open 24/7.
 

 40. Chinatown, Adelaide

Chinatown

The easiest way to immerse yourself in another culture in Adelaide is a trip to Chinatown (unless you are from China and the other culture is Australian culture). A Paifang- a traditional Chinese architectural arch greets visitors on entry. Beyond this point are numerous Chinese restaurants and markets plus similar types of shops from other Asian countries. Chinatown is contained within the vicinity of the Adelaide Central Markets.
 

 41. Jetty Road, Glenelg

Moseley Square

This beachside, kilometre longs strip is lined with an array of splendid shops, casual cafes and relaxed restaurants. The crescendo of the tram-infested Jetty Road is Moseley Square- technically more of a rectangle, that contains; a water fountain play area for children, the Glenelg Visitor Information Centre and the Bay Discovery Centre. This Bay Discovery Centre requires a gold coin donation for entry and features interactive exhibits that promote the history of Glenelg and the surrounding area. The palindromic nature of Glenelg is amplified by the trams going down Jetty Road- they are the same going backwards and forwards.

General trading opening hours: https://www.holdfast.sa.gov.au/Glenelg
 

 42. Giant Buddha Goddess Statue, Sellicks Hill

Buddha Goddess statue

Arguably the tallest statue in Australia at 18 metres high, this Buddha Goddess looks down along the coastline and would have some stunning views. You don’t need to be 18 metres in height to lap up the scenery here as the surroundings of the Nan Hai Pu Tuo Temple, located a few hundred metres from the ocean, are already elevated and spectacular. More aspects of the temple will be completed in the coming years including a 35 metre high pagoda.

Opening hours of the temple are unique so phone before arriving.
 

 43. Jubilee Adventure Playground, Port Noarlunga

Jubilee Adventure Playground

This will be the last playground I mention (I promise!) The construction is largely wooden and has the potential to entertain children as much as termites. The playground features an Adelaide first- dual swing in which two people swing at once facing each other on the same swing. There are a plethora of climbing implements within the playground that make me wonder what awesomeness would result from letting some parkour experts out, or even better- also releasing some monkeys and filming the consequences. In reality, what would likely result is the parkour people being infected with rabies. Alas, I digress. It is a rare playground in that it caters for the spectrum of childhood ages.

Opening hours are 6am-9:30pm daily.
 

 44. Snorkelling, Port Noarlunga Reef

Port Noarlunga Reef

Whilst technically free if you possess the superhuman ability to keep your eyes open under water for long periods, snorkelling apparatus is recommended. The Port Noarlunga Reef is 400 metres off the coastline and covers around a mile. A Port Noarlunga Reef dive trail contains underwater information about the reef and spans 800 metres.

Other snorkelling locations around S.A. can be found here: http://southaustralia.com/travel-ideas/adventure/diving-and-snorkeling
 

 45. Wittunga Botanic Garden, Blackwood

Wittunga Botanic Garden

This garden, located on Shepherds Hill Road, provides free tours in which you are shepherded through the garden. These are available every Tuesday at 10:30am except days forecast to be 36 degrees or more. Wittunga Botanic Garden specialises in plants from the other S.A. (South Africa) in combination with Australian plants. Two large ponds exist in the garden that are joined by a spillway. This raises the solipsistic question- if two ponds are joined in the woods are they really two ponds or one?

Opening hours and more info here: https://www.environment.sa.gov.au/botanicgardens/visit/wittunga-botanic-garden/visitor-information
 

 46. The Parade, Norwood

The Parade, Norwood

This leafy (not that kind of leaf) eastern suburb strip is famous for its number of restaurants, alfresco cafes, not-quite pretentious shops, sacred for many Norwood Oval and affluent (or is it effluent Kath and Kim?) suburbia. The Parade Cultural Walk that traverses plaques dedicated to famed Norwood residents can be found here in guide form: http://www.npsp.sa.gov.au/culture_and_lifestyle/cultural_heritage/signs_walks_and_trails
 

 47. The River Torrens

River Torrens

Bisecting greater Adelaide, the River Torrens runs from the Adelaide Hills into the ocean. A paved bike path allows joggers, walkers and cyclists access along the extremities of this river. The banks of the River Torrens in Thebarton contain a Christmas display that comes to life from late November to the end of the year. My favourite River Torrens memory was a 2005 flood (of course my condolences go out to any victims of this flood) that caused parts of the Christmas display to float down the Torrens.
 

 48. Parliament House, Adelaide

Parliament House Adelaide

A public viewing gallery allows those with a penchant for tedious and largely meaningless talk to sit transfixed for hours. What may be more to people’s liking are the free tours that are more aligned to ticking the fun and educational boxes and include viewings of both the old and new parliament. The physical construction of this impressive building has a tumultuous history much like those sitting within the parliament.

Tour info can be found here: https://www.parliament.sa.gov.au/education/visits/Public%20Tours/Pages/Public%20Tours.aspx
 

 49. Windy Point, Belair

Windy Point

This doesn’t refer to your flatulence riddled uncle who passes off his habit as a medical condition. Instead, one of the best views in Adelaide exists at the Windy Point lookout. The location is especially spectacular during the night time hours but also substantially creepier. Windy Point Restaurant and café also occupy prime real estate nearby, offering 180 degree views.
 

 50. Historic Walks of Adelaide

Historic Walk- Adelaide Town Hall

The City of Adelaide provides a number of free, self-guided walking tours with audio accompaniments and maps. These cover a range of themes in Adelaide, the Parklands and North Adelaide. The walks range in time from 1 hour to 2 hours but Olympic racewalkers with double degrees in English literature and history could probably complete them in 5 minutes.

Maps and audio of the walks can be found here: http://www.cityofadelaide.com.au/explore-the-city/visit-adelaide/maps-trails-and-guides/historic-walks
 

 51. St Peter’s Cathedral, North Adelaide

St Peter's Cathedral

Despite the ‘city of churches’ moniker, Adelaide is one of the least religious major cities in the country. This North Adelaide cathedral of gothic revival style mimics parts of the Cathedral of Notre Dame, minus the hunchback. Free tours are provided regularly and self-guided tour information is available in multiple languages (fortunately not Klingon).

Free tours and opening hours are listed here: http://www.stpeters-cathedral.org.au/about/visit-us-tours/

 

This blog entry has been centralised around Adelaide and proximate areas. By focusing on the wider region of South Australia, a whole new world of attractions awaits. My next blog entry will focus on things to do in Adelaide that cost money. If you have been, thanks for reading!

The Wizard of DC

Yellow Brick Road

 

A spontaneous cyclone whipped up 16-year-old Dorothy from the ramshackle Kansas farmhouse she had been residing in. She awoke in the shadow of a pretentious sign. The letters, declaring ‘PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE.’ A bricked, yellowish road stretched from Dorothy to the horizon. It shimmered a golden hue when the sunlight caught it at just the right angle. On the far tip of the road, a building blossomed into the sky, dominating its surroundings. The structure, conspicuous for its strict whiteness, was the type that had only been seen in fairy tale books by Dorothy.

 
As Dorothy tiptoed down the road, she observed a tableau silhouette. When she drew nearer, the amorphous edges traced out a scarecrow-esque figure. Dorothy noticed the features she looked at becoming more descript. Straw-coloured hair that matched the road’s tone. Skin peppered with wrinkles, mirroring the road’s emerging cracks. As the lady turned to face Dorothy, a battalion of nearby pigeons scurried.

 
At arm’s length away, Dorothy noted a badge: ‘Secretary of Education.’ “Why aren’t you at school now missy?” The lady questioned. “They shut my school down because it’s public” Dorothy riposted. The person in charge of education had one glaring weakness- they didn’t have the brain to care about education. As the woman left abruptly, Dorothy continued on her path.

 
Dorothy next met a man who moved awkwardly. The stilted movement of his limbs was almost robotic. It was akin to a dancer within a nightclub whose body appears machinelike due to the flickering lights. As Dorothy encroached into his space, he poured the remnants of his flask down a nearby drain, then wiped the sweat off his shiny forehead. The liquor flowed with the viscosity of oil and had a tar-like colour.

 
This man introduced himself as the head of the Environmental Protection Agency. As Dorothy reciprocated and introduced herself, the man interjected, “That’s an interesting accent you’ve got there. You’re not from overseas are you?” His entire demeanour changed. “No, I’m from Kansas,” Dorothy reassured him. “How did you get here?” he queried. “A cyclone lifted me up and brought me here. There are a lot of them nowadays.” “Climate change isn’t real,” the man retorted before mechanically moving his lever-like legs away. The man in charge of maintaining the environment had the significant inadequacy of not having a heart to care about the environment.

 
On the steps of the obnoxious, sheet-white building, Dorothy drew towards a man wearing a worn military hat. At the precise angle that Dorothy approached, the outskirts of the hat seemed to frame his face from behind. The hat’s frayed edges created the illusion of a mane. He proudly wore a badge: ‘Secretary of Defense.’

 
The man roared, “What are you doing here alone? I might shoot you. It’s fun to shoot some people.” Dorothy cautiously stepped backwards akin to a ringmaster tentatively surveying an unpredictable circus animal. She replied, “My parents are both soldiers. My Dad is fighting in the war against Canada and my Mum is fighting in the California war.” The man trotted off with his tail between his legs. The person whose primary job concerned maintaining peace didn’t have the courage to create a peaceful world.

 
Dorothy entered the exaggerated ivory coloured building. Within the labyrinth of corridors she followed a chosen one like a mouse in an experiment. The cheese at the end of the tunnel was an overbearing door. She heaved it open and entered an office with an oval-shaped floorplan.

 
An intimidating man overlooked her. His blotchy, pumpkin orange skin mimicked his comb over hair colour. A ruby shaded tie hung from his neck like a noose ready to be tightened. Above his desk, a photograph of Mount Rushmore. The George Washington face on the granite cliffs had been chiselled away and sculpted into a likeness of this very man.

 
“What do you want?” The man’s voice boomed as it lingered around the room for several seconds. “I’m worried about climate change, education and creating a peaceful world. Not just on my behalf but for the tens of millions of American children.”

 
“FAKE NEWS!” The imposing figure thundered. A solitary tear trickled down Dorothy’s face, preceding a flurry of drops. The man squinted then pointed, “See the millions of people lining that street right now? They all support me bigly.” Dorothy glanced out the window. All she saw was three silhouettes on the empty street. Their outlines resembling a scarecrow, a tin man and a lion.

 
Beside Dorothy, a scrapbook lay open. Newspaper clippings had been sloppily stuck in. One headline read “President Wins Unprecedented Third Term in Office.” The article began, “The President won the 2024 election with a record 100% of the vote.” Dorothy paused. She could have sworn that both her parents didn’t vote for this man. She continued reading. “A record one billion votes were cast for the president. Even the opposition candidate voted for him.” At the 2020 election, Dorothy had heard rumours that the opposing candidate had been poisoned by two spies for not voting correctly. Her eyes skimmed the page, searching for an author- a Mr. Spicer who belonged to the ubiquitous media organisation, The White House Times.

 
“As a leader you shouldn’t use power for your own interests. You should be working for the benefit of the masses. You are doing this poorly” Dorothy proclaimed. “Or-well” the man responded in such a way that Dorothy was uncertain if his answer consisted of one word or two.

 
The man who had originally overlooked Dorothy now began to look her over. His eyes changing from ruthless to deviant. Attempting to grab Dorothy, he inadvertently brushed one of her tears. In a flash, the man vanished.

 
A perplexed Dorothy examined the room. On the empty bookshelf she detected a hologram projector. It had short-circuited from the liquid on her face. Lurking in the shadows of the unnecessarily oversized desk, she noticed a bald head. It poked just above the desk level like the sun prowling above the clouds. The man stood but didn’t grow in height proportionally like you would expect someone standing up to. His impish, troll-like facial features were emblematic of his presence. Beneath the conglomerate surface was a solitary human pulling the strings.

 
From his mouth spewed a thick Russian accent.